Rehab

"Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm stranded in the wrong time where love is just a lyric in a children's rhyme"- keene

relationships are like any other addiction. if not monitored correctly they spin out of control. they cost money. you can't wait for the next fix. they take work. they are so hard to get over.

i've been sober for almost 4 years now. sure there have been times where i almost jumped off the wagon. but i'm just not ready. of course that doesn't mean life will be kind and leave me alone. i'm in recovery and the world is flashing shiny expensive signs of it in my face. i don't know what i'm going to do if i hear about another engagement this year.

i thought i could avoid relationships and go about my merry way. but the more i try to avoid the more i notice. life is such a tease with its mixed signals.

i'v been trying to forget someone but the only way is to go cold turkey. then this fortune cookie says, "don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back". Are you kidding me? I hate you fortune cookie! Next time i see you i will crush you to pieces. But i'll still eat you afterwards. i find you tasty.

I'm Not Barbie, Get Over It

I wish people would stop trying to type-cast me as a girly girl because I am not. We had a secret santa gift thing at work and I got a music jewelery box. my boss pointed out how nice it was but i hardly wear jewelery. strange she would say this since she tends to buy me girl things as well. One year it was a pink fuzzy sweater that shed all over the place.

Numerous women in my family have commented how I need to work on it. They suggest make-up or hair or dresses. I don't see why I have to change unless I want to.

If I find the right person I want him to want me the way I am, not some dolled up version. It's too much work to be "pretty". It's much more comfortable living life in t-shirt and jeans. It cuts down on laundry costs as well. Do you know how much it costs to get a dress dry cleaned?

Doormat Mentality

I set a deadline for someone. One friend pointed out that if something were to come up after the deadline I would still respond. Besides the someone doesn't even know there is a deadline. Passive aggressive is easy. I'm mad but I'll act like nothing is up when I'm around them.

While I was occupied with the negative there was all this positive. My friends are super supportive. I'll live without the someone.

So yeah no more sitting around and being taken for granted. No more being stepped on. As Allen Joe said it's time to stop being sad and go back to being awesome. That's what I am awesome. If you agree then you're awesome too and we can be awesome together. If someone can't see that then they're the ones with mud in their eyes.....that sounded much more awesome in my head. You know cleaning dirt off one's shoe..mud..doormat...

Never mind.

Veronica Mars Got Killed….Again.

Ok not really but the actress who plays her had her character killed off on a different show. I liked this character. But I should’ve seen it coming. She was a guest star and somebody felt she had out stayed her welcome (I know it was bad but I couldn’t help myself). Yeah there are a few more petite blonds on the show but one of them should’ve been axed instead (including any lame love interests * cough * Matt * cough *). But instead they kill the complicated ones. That “Good-bye Elle” line has taken a whole new meaning now. He didn’t mean good-bye because I’m going to sacrifice myself to save you. He meant good bye because I’m going to slice the top of your head off later. Can the tv characters being played by Kristen Bell please be allowed to live? And no her being a voiceover on that other show does not count since all she ever says at the end of each episode is “XOXO”. Lame.

I Keep a Fork Handy Now

There are more opportunities to eat at the new office. Almost every meal of outside food has been free. As I’m typing this I’m eating a piece of cake. I already had a chocolate torte for lunch. I still have quiche to eat before I head home. I haven’t packed on the pounds yet.

I don’t watch what I eat but I’m picky. If I like it, I’ll eat tons of it. If I don’t I’ll eat a little. I just finished the slice of cake. Every year I decide I will exercise more and eat healthy. Every year I fail. Work just sent an email. There will be free lunch on Friday and it’s Korean food(I know someone who went to a Korean church for Thanksgiving dinner recently and there was no kimchi. What’s up with that? I love kimchi. I wonder if I have kimchi at my house. My old boss just came by and said she’s going to pack extra kimchi for me on Friday. Score!). It's almost time to go home. Now where's that quiche?

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good night!

Pride + Rock = Ow

One morning I decided to not only run but to beat my sisters to the train station. Just as I was about to pass them I realized I was going to lose. My run to victory turned into a slip and slide on dry concrete. I was blazing by when I realized I was falling forward. I landed and I heard my left coat sleeve pop (I got one of those puffy coats). People just stopped and turned to look at me. I could feel the stinging on my knees, elbow and hip. My skin demanded to know why it was so violently disturbed. I turned over onto my back and just stared up and the sky for a moment. I was seeing stars. As my sisters helped me up I assessed the damage and realized what hurt the most was my ego (poor ego, so many beatings lately). I tried to run the race but fell flat on my face. My sisters got a good laugh out of it and I got some sick bruises. You can see through the skin to where the blood vessels broke. It’s maroon, blue and red.

“When you fell you did a Canon Drill! Why can’t you do that when we play Street Fighter?” – Sis.

Slice of Life

We went on a mission of destruction. We were 4 people in our mid-20’s in a sea of parents and kids in the aisle of a toy store. We were deciding on which foam dart gun each of us should buy because we wanted to shoot each other. As a kid you can’t buy this stuff but now that we’re adults…tee hee. Of course if I managed my money more wisely I could buy some property thereby giving us a venue to go shoot one another. With no venue we decided to go with laser tag. I am so looking forward to January right now. There's going to be shooting, and food, and ann's visit, oh yes.

On the way to work my sister and I take in some of the sights. She noticed a seagull picking a bag out of the trash. We were curious as to how it would get at the food inside. The bird carried the package, walked into traffic, and left the bag there. A car drove by missing the bag. The bird then picked up the package and moved it further into traffic. Turns out it was trying to get a car to run over the bag, causing it to pop allowing the bird to get at its contents. Genius.

I woke up at four one morning and tried to go back to sleep. A noise had startled me. For some reason my first thought was "ALIENS!" I sat up to see if it would happen again. After a few minutes the same noise but I realized it was my stomach. Apparently, it did not agree with the Japanese food prepared by Koreans.

Since I work near C-town (I don't know if that's the slang for it) I can have lunch with my po po. At one point she said, “Eat more fish. It’s fresh and it’s a swimming fish.” (Don’t all fish swim? It wasn't the Michael Phelps of the group obviously). She has already requested this be weekly lunch. Maybe she will find me a walking fish next.

One crisp morning I dropped by a dim sum place before work to buy some breakfast. Stores were opening up. Pigeons were picking at trash cans. Seniors were doing tai chi. It's exciting to see the buns stacked up steaming in trays. It reminded me of being a kid and getting steamed buns for breakfast before going to school. I never expected to be doing the same thing as an adult. As I bit into the warm steamed bun I realized I better eat quickly before the smell of the city ruined my appetite.

“I’M NOT ANGRY! I’M PASSIONATE!” – Allen Joe

First Impressions

Since relocating to the big city for work I've had to make a few adjustments. One is getting use to a restroom that is for bank employees only. At the old office the restroom was shared with the other building tenants complete with air freshener. The very first morning in the new office I used the restroom but it didn't flush clean. There was still stuff. I tried to flush again but it did not go down. I waited for the toilet to quiet down. Nope. One more time. The water started to fill up. Oh snap. They don't have air freshener in there. It's one of those "I wish I didn't eat what I ate and I should've stayed home today but it was too late now and the longer I stay there the more likely I would get caught" moments. So I exit out of there and make a dash for my cubicle. Before I can put a "out of order" sign on the stall door a coworker goes in. I attempt to hide under my desk as she exclaims, "Yuck!".

The work refrigerator is not a good place to store food. There are more condiments than anything else. I picked up a bottle of what I thought was mustard but was originally ranch dressing. In the back are numerous plastic bags. I've been warned not to touch them. If stuff is forgotten it stays there forever. In the freezer there was just one small package. It's label read "blood worms". Yum.

Wrong Ladder

The magic has worn off. Once again, no knight in shining armor or viking helmet.

I thought I was an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" type but with the way things are going I might be better off switch hitting to "out of sight out of mind". Absence annoys me. Absence makes me want to break something. Absence sucks.

I don't get myself at the moment. I am ready. I am not ready.

Fear of becoming an old maid and owning dozens of cats. Cats make me itchy.

The intent was to get to know each other. Be friends. So I shouldn't be mad. I'm mad at myself because I read the situation wrong.

Opportunities are rare. Connections are even rarer. Must make the most out of every one. It takes so long to grow up.

Maybe I will just get a dog. They don't make me itch.

"I can't talk to you. I don't even know you" - my reasoning for not making friends on BART

Snap Out of It

"You want some cheese to go with your whine?" - joanne

Last Friday a coworker hit another driver's door. On the way to bible study a car hit the back of a truck. On the way home a car hit a parked car. Yesterday someone broke into a coworker's car.

There is a fire in la and I know someone who almost lost their house.

The train station by work has seen numerous robberies lately.

A customer's son died of cancer.

Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself, God puts the whole world back in perspective. Stop whining. My current "problem" pales in comparison to what else is going on. My world is not going to end because something did not turn out the way I wanted it too. I have more pros than I do cons in my life.

The latest pro: fries of sweet potato

Oh Snap

One morning while I was getting ready to go to class I heard the sound of constant running water. I looked all over the apartment but could not figure out where it was coming from. I thought maybe it was coming from one of the neighboring apartments but it was just so loud. Curious I walked into the hallway turned the corner and was greeted with a waterfall coming from the ceiling going into the carpet. I stood there for a second to make sure I was awake. After pinching myself I reported it to the land lord and by the time I got back from class later the waterfall and all remnants of it were gone.

At work I stepped outside to find one of the sewer covers slightly up with water and paper running out. When it was time to go home a large puddle greeted me inside the lobby of the building. The source was apparently the men's restoom. The lobby puddle is gone but one is forming in one of the stalls on the women's side. The building smells like poo.

I am glad in less than a week we won't be there any more.

Dreaming Out Loud

when giving someone an extension, it's a good idea to clarify how long. otherwise, you're left open to wonder when you'll hear from them again.

i decided to read everything i ever wrote on previous sites i had. well not everything because numerous pages have been deleted by geocities. over the years i have written about the same things. i don't remember the story behind some. i also read some parts of my journal. i'm not sure how i managed to pick myself up at times. i had help.

what i find is even though i'm content at the moment i'm still wary about forming attachments. for the past few weeks i find myself growing more attached. it occupies so much of my time. I know what i want but i'm scared to want it. I wonder if it's even mine to want. i don't want to get ahead of myself only to be left disappointed. it's hard to hold your heart out there exposed and vunerable. it's taken so long to put back together because i kept tearing out the sutures.

i don't climb out of bed anymore. i jump out of it ready to see what the day holds. i can't lose this because i want it more than anything. i want it to be ok to dream again.

Eeek!

i was watching tv when my sister runs into my room yelling her face covered in green. Not good since i just watched a cyborg have his face melted off in a pit of tar. after taking 5 years off my life she laughs to say it's a new face mask she's trying out. then she hurries out and does the same to my other sister, then my parents, and even the pet bird. i can't help but think they made a mistake at the hospital 23 years ago.

It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want to

I got my haircut and as always some people have an opinion about it.

If I were to take in all the opinions I would have one messed up cut. Some think it's too short others too long. Some think more layers others less. More volume. Too old. Too young. Not me. You see where this is going yes?

I like the cut I got. It flips. It bounces. It's a time saver. It requires less water. Heck, I'm just excited I actually have enough hair to get it cut. It's been years since I've been able to cut so much off. No more bald spots. No need for hats. No stinky shampoos. No medication.

To all those haters shut up (haha i said "haters"). I didn't get it cut for you (granted you do have to look at it but so what?). I got it for me. Don't be jealous just 'cuz I know how to rock whatever hair style I have.

My cousin is 15 now. I can still remember the day he was born. I was 10 then. Remember being 10? My aunt was recording his party and my sisters and i were congratulating him on things like going to college, getting married and having his first kid. My aunt did not come back to record us later.

Where Did You Go

i'm home on a work day. this is the first time i've ever missed a day of work. time is moving so slowly. i strained my neck the day before and it hurts to turn my head. it's more of an annoyance. of course i was super responsible and did all my work yesterday and i told my boss i would be off and she could call me at home if she needed anything.

i'm not sure how to describe my current situation. for the past couple of months there are have been peaks and valleys. despite the physical ailments everything else seems to be looking up.

drew came for a visit and it was really nice seeing him and syche. it always feels so short but when there's a chance to say a bunch of stuff i can't find the words. despite all the "niceness" it felt sad at the same time. not the leaving part the catching up part. i know this person is my friend and i miss him but at the same time it's like being reintroduced all over again. do we still have anything in common? what will i say to him? has he changed?

i've been writing to guy from second wedding. it's like having a pen pal who consistently writes back. it's kinda sweet because if there's a delay on his part he'll write to say why there's a delay. in the third grade the teacher tried to get us to be pen pals with another class in another state. i forget where but the gal's name was daniella. i think i got two letters from her the entire year. new friends are great. reminds one that life is not set in stone and is constantly changing. i wonder though what's going to happen once the newness wear's off. most of the friends i know now are people that i've had constant contact with for years. he may be the first friend that i've met just once and have talked to past that first meeting. i hope i don't run out of things to say. impossible? we'll have to see. haha, i don't even know if we're friends. he's on my facebook. i should ask him, "are we friends now?"

it's raining outside. maybe my neck pain is really arthritis from the weather.

i should feel happy but i don't want to get attached to it. i don't know how long this will last and i'm already focused and what's going to happen once the bad stuff comes. i'm at a party and i'm on the way out before they've cut the cake. The whole thing is just dumb. Stop being emo. the advil isn't working.

4 Years of College for This

An update: Feeling better now.

Online classes and training seminars. I thought classes ended once school was over. I don't mind taking classes for work but with advances of the internet long gone are the days where workers get the whole day to train. No more offsite conferences. No long lunches and early dismissals. Instead I am confined to the office staring at a computer screen listening to the consistent drone of the presenter over the phone for 3 hours. It doesn't help that there's plenty of distraction in the office. I think I dozed off halfway.47 slides of "if you don't do this the government will put you in jail", joy.

my dad says to me the other day he says:
dad: i know you're good in english. compose something for retirement.
me: am i bad in chinese then?
dad: what?
me: you want something on the overall infrastructure of retirement and how with the current econimic situation many in your generation and beyond may have to work into their 70s and then some in order to receive anything upon retirement?
dad:....
me: never mind
dad: i just want you to write something nice to your uncle edward about his retirement in this card
me: dear uncy edward. you are done working now. i wish i was too. lucky you.you be da best. the end.
dad: just get it done by friday.

Running On Empty

i can't keep food down. that's the worse. i don't need much in life to be content but i like food. i'll be in the middle of something and i'll just have the urge to hurl. i can't figure out what i ate wrong. this problem could not come during a more inconvinient time.

Thursday was weekly dinner out with the group which really should be renamed korean night. i like korean food especially the tofu stew but i had trouble eating it.

Friday came and I just felt nauseated all day at work. It was free bagel day. But the idea of salmon and cream cheese on a toasty bagel lost it appeal. after work it was time for in and out with laurie. i had this huge craving for it and everything seemed fine afterwards. But later...dun dun dunnnn. At jocelyn's ice cream was offered but I didn't want any. We went to get mexican food and the nausea came again.

Saturday i had soup for lunch. No noodles. Sad.7 up seemed to help. Then it was off to bj's. but we had to wait for hundreds of minutes so we went to the bookstore. we mostly mingled in the cook book section. my stomach decided it wasn't happy so off to read pearls before swine. oh, goat, how you suffer so. then dinner. Wedges, ok. Calzone, calcan't you mean (that was just awful).

Sunday morning came and i was early enough to have breakfast, two tablespoonfuls of kaeopectic, chalky cherry flavor. I get to church and I think I'm safe. NO! We were going to go over the line in the Lord's prayer about daily bread. So many food examples. It was the third week of the month. That's free food week at church. But we weren't eating there because we're not fans of salad. Fish and chips, do they have soup there? It's closed. Sandwiches instead. Now here is where logic would kick in and i should sit out right? Wrong. I order a hot corned beef with everything. And I had chips. Ok, things seem ok. Second lunch with the family. I am no ok. I AM NOT OK! Must get home now. Let's stop at Walgreens for something. Why is the pepto next to the food aisle? Home, safe now. Aunt comes over with Chinese pastry. soup for dinner. My family is having ribs. I miss ribs.

monday my 1.5 hour commute turned into a 2.5 hour commute. i have a love hate relationship with bart. i smelled like mint tea all day. i got tired of drinking water. there was a problem with the men's restroom so they turned off the water without telling anybody. i couldn't flush the toilet. somebody got a bad surprise. at dinner i had one rib. it was one rib too many.

*Sigh*, this is going to be a long week. With no food I am not functioning correctly. I had more than my normal number of word slips. at church someone mentioned a cancer walk and i thought we should do it. I said, "Yay support cancer". jocelyn looks at me and i try to back track but i end up repeating the same thing. at work today i was using the big paper shredder. it's about the length of my arm. i was thinking it would suck if i hurt myself on this thing. by the time i was done i had a 3 inch scratch running up my forearm. i think i cut myself when i was changing the bag.

I think God is trying to tell me something. Basically I cannot survive on bread alone. In our darkest moments He's the one we need to lean on. Like food it's important to make use of what blessings we get for that day and to share with others. We weren't meant to hoard them. He's sure to provide a new helping each day.

Nice Guys Finish Last*

It's the type that can't get the girl. They wait for that right moment to say something but it never seems to come and then it's too late. The object of their affection is loss to another suitor or worse she's placed him in the dreaded "you're like a brother to me" box. (The only other box I can think of that would be worse is the "you're like a mom to me" box. Not only are you no longer desirable but you become a whole generation older. Wait, the enemy box sucks too but with that feelings are mutual so it's not as bad).

Life isn't a romantic comedy where A and B are best friends. One day A falls for C but B loves A. B stands by while A has to go through a journey to discover C isn't the right one. But by the time A realizes it should be B something happens like B finds D. More stuff happens until finally A and B realize they are soul mates and they get together while D and C end up alone or with each other.

Is it really the nice factor that keeps them from the object of their affection or is it something else? Yes there are those who tend to prefer jerks but that gets old fast. Jerks may seem to win but there are plenty of nice guys out there who finish first. I can't help but feel it's the lack of action that does the nice guy in. The ones who tend to fail are those who don't try.

Isn't it better to give yourself a shot? To actually run the race rather than sit on the bench passing the players towels and water bottles? Have we learned nothing from Sebastian the musical crab which lives under the sea? I'm not saying just go on now and kiss the girl. That could bring about a restraining order. But really do something, say something.

Oh, and don't think this doesn't apply to nice gals as well.

Being nice will only get you so far. It'll get you into a box where escape is difficult if not impossible. ( Every time I see the word box I think of jack in the box. Did you know they have egg rolls there? They remind me of the ones in the school cafeteria except smaller and much less starchier. They aren't bad. Then again it's hard to go wrong with fried foods).

* Again, this is not directed towards any particular person. Just a generalized population, myself included.

The Ring!

At the last wedding I attended sparks flew, at this one not so much. But still it was really fun.

Again I bought a dress the weekend before and it was again crazy because I have this knack for shopping only when it's some sort of a one day sale. I found the right one hanging in the dressing room. Thanks shopper who was too lazy to put her clothes back.

laurie drove and an asian car gang sped past us going in and out of lanes. Each tried to occupy one lane and then they slowed down to like 55 mph on the freeway. They held up traffic for what felt like hours but it was maybe for 1/60th of one.

We stopped to pick up another gal and her house was sterile white with exposed beams and a pool! If I had a pool I would race remote controlled boats. I would have one flaming boat in the middle and a pirate boat and a lagoon and a crocodile that goes tick tock...

Based on our work from the last wedding we were asked to help out with this one. It was so much easier because eveything was organized into tupperware for each phase.

Ushers escorted us to our seats and there was a guy sitting there with his friends and he was smiling at me. Just as I was about to sit down my group decided to relocate. I noticed later on he was chatting it up with another gal who sat next to him. If they get married I should get invited.

They had the ring bearers walk down to the top gun theme. I almost cried again during the ceremony but I didn't want my make-up to run.

Then it was off to set up for the dinner but first detour to jamba juice. the cashier asked me what free boost I wanted and I said he could surprise me. Caffeine it was.

At dinner we had a fun table. It was nice getting to know people again. The guy next to me graduated the same year but was from a different fellowship. The pda was very controlled at this wedding. I think the bride and groom kissed like 5 times. Rice came at the end and I really wanted a bowl but none came so I used my plate. It's hard eating rice with chopsticks on a plate. Then the waitress just randomly drops off one bowl right after I'm done eating. There was dancing at the end and that was fun. I did feel really old though next to those high school kids.

When I got home I looked like a egyptian raccoon that had been punched in the eyes.

At the end of the night I didn't find a new obsession but I did find a new friend to add to my facebook, 40th friend to be exact.

Jerks Need Not Apply*

I called the cell phone company to disable the text feature. After being placed on hold for 20 minutes the operator comes on and we can't hear each other, bad connection. I yelled what I wanted and I must've sounded angry because she kept apologizing. After that it turns out she disabled the wrong feature so she placed me on hold again.

I've been in customer service for awhile and mean customers suck. Mean people suck in general but it feels worse when one is in customer service. It doesn't matter if you've had nice customers all day because that one idiot will bring you down. It's not like in the real world where you can fight back or walk away. You take it smiling or could lose your job.

So to my fellow CSR's good luck out there.

November is so close.....


*The above title is not directed toward anyone in particular.

Gavin

My sister was animated on Monday which was strange since it's the first day of the week.

This is sort of how the conversation went:
kim: guess what jen. i met the mayor and the CEO of my bank today.
me: was it mayor newsom?
kim: yeah
me: i heard in person he's...
kim: hot!
me: i was going to say tall but ok.
kim: oh my gosh jen. he's tall and when I saw him I just kept staring at him
me: did you get to meet him?
kim: i took a picture with him but my friend asked him because I couldn't talk to him.
me: he's just a person.
kim: but he was standing right in front of me and my friend said she could almost touch him. but I wasn't going to. i thought i would die if i touched him.

Plan B

Choosing to eat an Airhead taffy/candy/chewy thing is like being in a relationship. Unless you're willing to commit until the end don't start. Otherwise you'll grow tired of it and wonder why you started in the first place. Dang you and your shiny blue wrapper too!

I find it hard to come up with one plan. A second plan is just wishful thinking. Sometimes a changed plan ain't so bad like planning on having two lunches but ending up with one and ice cream after. Oh, ice cream. If relationships were like ice cream it be great. But what happens when Plan A fails but there is no contingency?

Plans involving another and the words "happily ever after"are tricky. After the break up is the plan still good or will it have to be scrapped? It seems weird to take a plan originally meant for someone else and then apply it to somebody new.

I have too much time on my hands or I'm just bitter. Most likely a combination of both. Why? What sort of angst is our heroine (i thought of the drug when I saw that word) dealing with now? What's the drama?

It's been like 3 years I think since I dated (I'm foggy about the time frame but it's fine. I use to count the days. That was not healthy). Granted I spent some time getting over it. I'm in no hurry but lately there's just something in the water. The people around me.. I can't quite explain it. Just because everyone is jumping off the bridge doesn't mean I should either but it's nice to feel included.

I kinda want to date but I kinda don't. The plan is to just wing it. If all else fails I'll be sure to have ice cream ready.

Hard to Breathe

the ac at the office has been out. It's hot. It's gross. there was no need to use the restroom even after 3 back to back glasses of water. clothes cling. raising my arms makes me nervous. the coolest place in the office is in the vault. it is also the mustiest place.the coolest place in the building is the restroom. it is also the stinkiest. customers who smell funny smell stronger in this heat. it is not funny. i don't get how something can smell funny. inhale and then laugh? i've never experienced that. oh but if you want someone to smell something don't say it smells bad and then shove it towards them. instead tell them not to smell it and they will willingly smell for themselves.

jocelyn decided we could never be vegetarians. we would give up veggies before meat.
jocelyn: yeah, like meatatarians!
me: or carnivores.

i've been learning lately that prayer is not wish list for stuff. God is not santa clause. it's hard praying for what's best for you especially when "what's best" isn't what you want. i should be happy with the lack of an answer from "that guy" because i prayed for whatever was best. best doesn't feel good.

"I used your lunch bag everyday today"- jocelyn.

Viva la Fat

i logged onto blogger and found myself staring at the anonymous silhouette version of me.

i attempted to take a picture of myself to post up. for some reason cameras never capture the forgiving light in my room. with the flash i'm like this pale ghost surrounded by darkness, without it i look yellow. And for some reason my camera has the ability to capture every flaw. one area of my forehead looked funny, like shiny mass or wrinkles. i had bags under the eyes. there were shiny and dull areas in my face. i waited for the pixels to clear but they didn't. it was all me. i will settle for the silhouette.

i was discussing food with ann and we like fat. fat tastes good. not like bites of lard or the grease that floats up in liquid but things like bacon, fried apple pie, and dark mystery meat chicken nuggets.

the world is trying too hard to force us to be healthy. i get that some people are dangerously obese but eliminating foods from menus won't save them. one has to choose to eat healthy. if people want to eat bad they will find ways to do it. besides why should i lose my favorite foods just because some lack will power? bring back the ribwich!

pretty soon they'll install chips inside us that will keep track of what we've consumed. these same chips will give off a foghorn like sound when we attempt to eat more than we're allowed. everyone will know that you were the one that ate the rest of the coleslaw and a handful of potato wedges in the middle of the night. but until that day comes let me decide what to eat. if i want to eat fat i'm gonna and there's nothing you can do to stop me.

there was this one time at a bbq drew, alice and i were eating pieces of cold butter. good times.

Skin

I don't get why women in beach volleyball play in bikinis. The guys don't play in bikinis. I don't remember volleyball players wearing bikinis in high school. ann and jocelyn played volleyball in high school. Maybe they decided not to play professionally because of the bikinis.

Guys tend to train in long boarder shorts but because they need a place for their names and numbers they must wear the jerseys. There's only 4 people playing at one time. How hard is it to keep track of 4 people? Where are the women's information? Between the boobs and on their backs. They could just put the guys' names and number on their shorts, like on their butts. Plenty of material there.

It gets hot . It's uncomfortable rolling around in sand and having it trapped in clothes. Boo hoo.

They have great figures. So do the men.

My point is if they don't have the guys playing in speedos the women should suit up or they might as well just have them all play naked. They could stay cool and avoid tan lines.

Well, they can keep their visors and shades on. Need to have someplace to put the sponsors.

I'm Not SJP

My sister got wind that I have a blog. Well she saw me updating it. I've been at this for years now so it's surprising that she found this surprising. She was comparing it to a certain HBO hit and I had to stop her right there. It's not that kind of a blog. Besides the lady was writing a column; this is a blog. She said it could someday be made a show and then a movie. I would prefer an anime. With my friends as characters a movie would be way too loud.

For the icebreaker at bible study we had to draw a picture of ourselves and around the picture lists interest, pet peeves, loves, and future goals. I think retirement is a good future goal to have. Don't know what I'd do all day but that would be part of the fun. Not having to have to be somewhere. Many people listed self-centeredness as a peeve. Wasn't the activity focused on ourselves? I thought about fanime-con and listed things that annoyed me about it. I should have listed people who don't return emails.

At church I was talking to po po chan and she looks at chu and says to me in chinese, "Is this your male friend?" I wasn't sure how to answer her. He is my friend but I have a feeling she wasn't asking me that. I should write "single" on my name tag.

I went to watch the softball game and one of the kids asked me if I was teaching at bible school this year. I said I had work. She couldn't believe I worked. When I told her my age she said, "Wow, I thought you were a teenager". In five years I'll be 30. Brandon from church will only be 21 then.

I met bonnie's dog honey and he reminds me very much of her old dog. Cute, fuzzy and afraid of people. Of course I tried to be friendly but I ended up on my hands and knees staring at the ground because you can't look at him directly in the face. I threw a ball at him. At least he's quiet and I think we came to an understanding.

I don't think my blog would ever make it past being a blog but if it occupied you for a couple of minutes then it has fulfilled it's purpose. And hey, you didn't even have to pay for cable.

Denied

"Show your love and your love will be returned". - fortune cookie

If you read my post "Cloud" I said maybe it was meant to be just for one day. Of course I couldn't leave well enough alone so I attempted to make contact and it has led me here. No response. I'm not sure what I was expecting. Things simmered down. The magic was wearing off and reality set in. But still...sad. Jocelyn says she hates him. I love her for that (not love in that way).

There is a silver lining in this. At least I know now I have enough of a spine to go out there.

But for right now I'm just going to stay under the covers and listen to linkin park.

The fortune cookie is a liar.

Not in the Face

When you're home all day parents find a way of lecturing you. Today it was on how much texting costs. So no more texts from now on.

I played softball this weekend. I was trying to be supportive and they were short one player. I found myself as the outfield rover. I don't like outfield. There's a chance a ball may come towards me. It's times like these I wish for telekinesis or a force field or ball repellent. So here I was standing in a field in the fog clutching my glove to my chest and I prayed, "God, I'm nervous".

This one hit came at me and instead of running away which would make sense I just sat to block it from getting past me. I took it right above both knees. It was awkward. It stung like hell. I felt like a new born giraffe trying to get up.

But what a game. There was a somersault, father and son running across the plate back to back, and a diving catch. We still lost but (dare i say it?) I had fun.


Moving hurts right now.

Dumb Dumbs

Sister: Why are there stupid people in the world?

My sister was on a forum about ethnicity and race. A guy was rattling on about how stereotypes are facts about a group. He went on to list some he felt were true like how "All asian women are bad drivers. I know because I see them all the time". Pardon me but I believe the stereotype is all asians are bad drivers. Way to turn a racist comment into a sexist one too. My sister decided to have a go and told him being ok with a stereotype doesn't make it ok. They were hurtful and tended to divide people. His answer to her was how they could be good things too. He wasn't making them up and he had done some research. His example was "Black people like fried chicken and kool-aid. My black friends agree. So you see stereotypes are based on fact". So stupid.

I can't help but wonder if he would make statements like that face to face with others. Online one is safely tucked away behind a screen making it difficult for another to reach out and smack you in the head when you're being stupid. This is why the internet is a double-edged sword. On the one hand it connects us all. On the other hand it connects us all.

I told her to forget it. Let him be happy in his little bubble before life rips him out of it, blows his head off and then eats him alive.

sister: You've been reading "Resident Evil" again haven't you?

me: Yes ma'am.

bonus point: Who made up the above term?

the married dork

I had fun at joanne's wedding, obviously.

I don't know if I've ever written about how weddings make me feel. They were bitter for me. The happy couple reminded me of how far away I was from that and how badly I wanted to find the one.

I believe soul mates exist. But he won't just appear at my doorstep. A close friend once said you have to get off your butt and go get him. I'm not saying that I've found him during joanne's wedding. But something in joanne's smile and jon's anticipation broke my heart and made it into this mush. It really is possible to love someone the best you know how, lose and love again someday.

So to the happy couple thank you for making the world a happy place again.

Here's a list of highlights at the wedding:
1) In n Out is hecka far from Foster city.
2) Girls can eat as much as boys.
3) Flower balls are beautiful and freakishly heavy. Unless you enjoy stabbing yourself with wires use a smaller ball and have extra roses.
4) You need arm strength to roll over while sleeping on the floor.
5) Dress shoes should not fit like flip-flops.
6) Practice putting on make-up. Don't wing it.
7) Talk to strangers at weddings especially if you trust the judgment of the bride and groom.
8) Eat regularly or else find yourself inhaling a burrito.
9) Chill.
10) Be the loudest table at dinner. You'll make the other tables jealous.
11) Light saber battle!
12) Guitar serenades. I think joanne likes kissing.
13) Scavenged cake is still cake but even more delicious because you had to work for it.
14) Don't walk home alone.
15) Sing along with the ipod.
16) Then they lived happily ever after.

Cloud

You better be awake for this because otherwise I'm just wasting my time. One of the major reasons I thought about not posting any more was I felt I was holding back. There were some things I wanted to say but didn't. I originally wanted a place for my head (as linkin park would say). Overtime it just became this diluted list of what was happening and I began to wonder what the point of it was. But I feel like I'm back to what I originally intended. I do feel a little exposed but it's better than being closed off.

Now back to the show.

It's weird to be thinking about someone you've only met once right? I don't mean they made just an impression but you feel smitten. Ok, like you're 12 and you have a crush and you want to make little heart scribbles in your notebook.

Laurie couldn't stay for Joanne's wedding because her cousin's was at the same time. I was nervous without her because this was my first wedding without my parents and Laurie's my security blanket for girly functions and she wasn't there.

I was sitting in the third row and there were two empty seats next to me. I expected a couple to sit there but instead it was just this guy. As he sat down next to me I smiled and waved at him and he waved back. Don't know why I waved even after I told myself not to be weird. I decided I wouldn't say anything else. He said out loud how he was glad he wasn't late and knew where the church was. I introduced myself and asked if he was with the bride or the groom. He knew both from way back. How far back? Youth camp. I mention laurie, joanna and kim but when I add "woo" he said "oh, the woo sisters." Then the girl sitting next to me leans over and introduces herself and they talked about youth camp and I was thinking, "I spoke to him first and you just cut me out? Wait, did I just think that?! Well, I made the effort. Should I offer to trade seats? No then it'll look like I'm pissed. I'm not, just annoyed is all. Oh, they're done talking now. Be cool be cool." (Now for those of you who don't know I am anti-social around those I'm not close with. At work small talk is part of the job. So for me to initiate small and be interested takes a lot).

I didn't think he was going to say anything else but then asks me how I know the bride and groom. He mentions how he used to work at a comic book store. I so wanted to say how cool it was because one could read comics all day. I asked him who his favorite superhero was and he said Batman. I must've sound offended when I said I couldn't believe he would choose DC over Marvel because he got louder and said it wasn't about that. He questioned how I could be a Marvel fan with all their alternative universes and overlapping timelines. He asked who I like and I said spider-man before he got big. He liked him but thought he had gotten too emo over the years and complained about the clone wars. Yes, they were weird but Ben Riley. How could one not like Ben Riley? If it came down to it he'd go with batman (whatever). He mentioned he was trying to get into the comic business so I questioned why he wasn't at comic con. He lifts his hands and says wedding. Touche. But comic-con started on Thursday and the wedding was Saturday. If he's going to attend it would be for the whole thing including the preview night wednesday. I tell him about fanime-con and he's been there too. He was cloud from advent children. He made a sword the size of a billboard to go with it. He complained about the girls constantly asking for photos. He didn't like all the contact from strangers. I blurt out how I can't stand fan girls and he says especially girls with cat ears. If I was president of the "i hate cat girl club" I would've made him a member. I told him about ann and jocelyn doing cos play as well and one year we took turns being no name from spirited away which he thought was cool but not cool when I told him how this one girl grabbed me and I had to use the swifter handle to keep from being smothered by her boobs.

He mentioned his ex-girlfriend (I wanted to ask if he had a current one) sang at a number of weddings and said how it was all high drama in the back even if it seemed all happy in the front. I said with Joanne she was totally mellow. I was with the flowers and she trusted us to handle things. A smaller bouquet was substituted for the flower ball I worked on (my fingers still feel raw from the wiring) and joanne didn't freak out about it (Well, maybe she just didn't notice). The ball was way too heavy to carry. That ribbon handle could slice the hand. If I was having problems I don't know how a five year old would deal.

After the ceremony was photo time but the group he was suppose to be in was really full. If it was an elevated platform it would've gone down. He said he would skip the photo but I suggested he sneak into the group I was in high school/ college/ work. He said he worked for the company the groom use to work for and I said it counted. But we ended up on different sides. Before I could say good bye the group I was with decided to go for a burrito run and we didn't speak again untill....

the wedding banquet. I was there early to help set up. He was over at the greeting table but I wasn't sure if I should say hi. I don't know I just walked out earlier, rude. Maybe he found his friends and wanted to talk to them instead. At one point he came up to say hi. He was by the door and pointed out the flower ball I worked on. He said he like it and I was flattered because I didn't think he'd remember. He tried it out and said it was good for a weapon. If anything were to go down he'd go for that first.

And then I really didn't speak to him again because there was work to be done. But I did look for him a few times. I even pointed him out to Laurie. It's more like I pulled her to the side and we walked past him and she stopped a few feet behind him to confirm it was that guy. I was stealing glances at him until I noticed Laurie looking at me. I turned red and just turned to face the wall. After dinner he picked up lightsabers (I tell you it was a fun wedding) and was doing tricks with them. At that point I knew I was definately in trouble.

I couldn't say good-bye to him when I saw him leaving. Well I waved when he wasn't looking and this other guy walking by waved back at me.

Now I am where I am. Jocelyn thinks we should track him down with one of them social networks. My sisters wondered why we didn't exchange numbers. At the time I didn't think much about it because I didn't think I was going to want to talk to him again after the wedding. I did find him on a social network but I'm not going to create an account just to say "Hey just wanted to say nice meeting you and bye. Oh, and I'm not stalking you even though it looks that way". But I read what he had to say and if he's genuine then I'm totally intimidated. It feels like you're in junior high and you have a crush on a high schooler.

I should just forget about him. I was probably just caught up in the moment. One too many sodas. He was just a nice guy making conversation. After all, he's dc and I'm marvel. The two could never come together. Well they did once for a brief time I think but yeah they're separate for the most part. So all we had was that one nice day and are never meant to meet again.

I'm crazy right?

Tasty But Deadly

In MSN's article "Best and Worst Theme Park Foods" I prefer the worst foods.

1) Funnel cake. I've never had it but you can't go wrong with fried dough dusted with powdered sugar.

2) Nachos. They can't be that bad. There's dairy in the cheese and sour cream. Protein in the beans and meat. Veggies with the olives and the guacamole. There's even tomato to stand in for fruit. Must be the chips that make them unhealthy. Skip the chips and hand me a spoon.

3) Chili cheese fries. It's a must when I go to Nation's. I can't imagine it'd be different at a park.

4) Corn dogs. Corn dog castle and corn dog queen.

5) Turkey Leg. On my last Disney trip (3+ years ago) I ate the whole thing. They go best with frozen lemonade.

6) Cotton candy aka pixie floss. That's kinda a gross. Eating someone's used floss.

7) Pizza. That's a lazy item. They have that everywhere. I have it in my freezer.

8) Candy apple. I would get tired after the first bite. I prefer apples in fritters or pie.

9) Corn on the cob. What a genius vegetable.

10) Skewers. Meat good. Veggies optional. Can they skewer corn kernels on?

11) Bring your own. They have a picture of carrot and celery sticks. That's lame. You should stay home if that's what you eat for fun. They should only be a decoration next to buffalo wings....oooh that sounds good.

Here's a few additional items I would like to try.

2) Fried candy bar. Sounds hot.

3) Fried pickle. Sounds a little gross but it's more exciting than the carrot sticks.

*bonus point: who is the corn dog queen?

Timed Madness

Shopping is stressful but if it's at the mall involving a dress and shoes then it's just crazy. There's an episode of Will and Grace where she takes her boyfriend to a sale. The poor guy is lugging around pile of clothes running after her. When he complains of fatigue she pulls a banana out and tells him to refuel. It was kinda like that. They have sales that begin in the morning and end before lunch. All those items tend to be sectioned off. Women travel in packs as they block off entire aisles wary of any intruders. Excuse mes are met with I saw that firsts. Dressing room lines make restroom lines feel like picnics. Entire families are packed into each stall. One department store only had one women's dressing room with just 6 stalls. Clothes lined the walls and floors. Some of the dresses I tried on made me look like a cow, a flowery, lacy, annoyed cow. That's just the dress part of it.

Then there were the shoes. I don't have much competition when it comes to my size but there's hardly any selection. When I buy shoes I have to look at size first then style. Pointy shoes hurt. My feet just wouldn't cooperate. At one point it seemed as though I was stuck between red hooker shoes or blue hooker shoes. I found one pair I like but it was just one shoe the other lost forever. I didn't get the shoes I would've like but at least I found a comfortable pair after an hour.

When I got home I was too tired to eat lunch and took a two hour nap. I don't take naps. This will teach to me wait until the last minute to do something.

Because I am a Girl

This is the last weekend before joanne's wedding. I have yet to look for a dress, or shoes, or whatever else I may need.

I tried to figure out what shape I was. Shape determines what dress is most flattering. I settled on pear-shaped. I don't look that much like a pear. Aren't weebles pear-shaped? I can wobble but I'd fall down. I don't get these categories. Once I tried to figure out face shape for a hair cut. Square? No. Heart? No. Round? No. Oval? No.

If we're expected to be categorized, shouldn't they tell us this in school? SAT scores are useless now! Women sizes don't make sense. The system for guys is based on the actual measurement. Once I was buying a pant suit but my top half was an 8 and the bottom was a 10. The women's counter said I couldn't mix and match. Did I prefer my top half to sag or my pants to spilt?

Then there's figuring out what accessories go with the outfit because we don't want any color blocking, whatever that means. Gah, shoes!

I guess if I were rich I'd pay someone to figure this all out for me. Then I could avoid having a therapist on speed-dial.

*bonus point: Besides this post what is the above title a reference to?

Follow that Cart

At the asian (It's so obnoxious when it's spelled azian.) supermarket my dad asks me if I can make a filipino dessert. I ask him what it is and he can't remember. That does not help me at all. I ask what's in it but he's not sure. He tells me he has a recipe. I ask where it is but he says he lost it. I tell him I can do nothing about it and he says he really likes it and wants me to make it. As I try to explain to him I can't transport myself to the potluck where he had this dessert he's distracted by a lady pushing a cart passed us. He points to her and says she has some of the stuff that was in it. So he follows her for a bit. She turns around and he starts asking her if she can tell us what's in the thing she's making. She looks surprised and lists things off. My dad goes to get them and she leaves. He goes in search of her, brings her back and won't let her out of his sight until all the ingredients are gathered. She's a good sport about the whole thing and gives us a few tips as well.

As we get in line to pay my dad looks at the freezer and asks if we should get ice cream instead.

Oh and I still don't know the name of the dessert.

Food does not = <3

On Friday I hurried home to get ready for bible study. My dad insisted he would have dinner ready. It was won ton and noodles in soup. Of course I burn myself before he can say, "It's hot". Now remember this part. It'll be important later on.

On Saturday I lost my appetite after some disturbing news but not before burning myself, again, on a french fry. After ignoring my hamburger it was off to the mall. Strangely enough the last time something similar happened I ended up wandering around the mall too. Come to think of it I also ignored a hamburger, quarter pounder to be exact. (I don't think they're really a quarter pound. On this occasion it was a Banzai burger. Dude, that's how they spell it. Those are good but not as good as Kimochi burgers. Those are just happiness.). When your head is full and stomach is empty it just makes for an aggravating evening.

When I got home I changed into my pj's and decided to surf the net. I get a phone call from my boss about a loan agreement and how it has to be done asap. So off I go to her house where I spend 2 hours translating Chinese into English because some men are too cheap to higher competent translators.

My boss pours me a glass of something and it hella burns my already burned mouth and is bitter. It's grapefruit juice (Got you thinking it might be booze didn't I?). She also offered me a bowl of won ton in some sauce. My mouth is burned again but this time by the hot chili oil in the sauce. Trying to counter the spiciness I drink the juice which created a sour burning sensation. I sat there rubbing my eyes and my boss apologizes thinking I must be extremely tired.

I get home, crawl into bed, and decide I need to find a new comfort when I'm feeling low because food can be just as painful.

March 4th aka Go Forth

There are a few characters I encounter at work. One of them is a seeker, not the harry potter kind but that be tight though. She's a psychic whose specialty is to locate lost objects. She asks me when my birthday is. '09 is going to be a slow year for me, a stick in the mud year. I dunno, things are pretty slow already. Any slower and I'd be going backwards (ba dum bum). She said that '10 and '11 were going to be really fast and there'd be a good chance I'd be married by then.

I'm content with the way things are now. Relationships are so much work. I'm in a selfish place and I like it. I like sleeping in the middle of the bed. I like not keeping track of anniversaries. I use the high-pitched voice only for impersonating my (guy) friends. So I'm just going to do what I've been doing and not even think about marriage.

Dang it, I still have those weddings to go to this year.

Dramas

I seem to encounter similar problems and they always seem big at the time. When I look back on them later they’re nothing more than small potatoes. (Potatoes are a good starch. They make fries out of those. I could go for some garlic fries).

One is where others think there's something romantic ( I was totally rolling my eyes as I typed that word) going on between two people but there's not. It's fun to be part of the "others" but not the "two people". You can't be nice because it might give the wrong impression. My being nice doesn't mean I want you. My being mean doesn't mean I want you either. I will probably tell you and then run away or sign off or die because I'm blushing so much the vessels in my face are about to explode. There are people of the opposite sex who are just friends. Perhaps the next time something nice happens it should come with a disclaimer, "I like you but not in that way, stupid".

Another is with dieting. They just don't work. Every time I see Mike V. he says he’s on a diet. He insists that he does loose the weight but my timing is bad and I happen to see him after he’s gained it all back. I don't mind the dieting, it’s consistent. Maybe it's been so long since he's been in my presence it’s become depressing so he eats to fill the emptiness inside.

Then there are brain farts. Yesterday my mom was standing by her closet. I looked across the room and saw someone lying in the bed under the covers. I turned to my mom, pointed to the bed and whispered, "Mom, are you sleeping?".

Dear John

I've been a part of many endings. I've experienced superheroes die like superman, captain america and the hulk ( I know he's not really dead but if your publisher decides to revamp your series by sending you to an alternate universe on an alien planet to fight angry monkeys and other hulks you might as well be dead. The appeal of the hulk as far as I can tell is how we all get mad and it makes us nuts. He just happened to run into some nuclear trouble and turns green. It was a constant struggle between staying human and an angry monster. So to have him stay as said monster and fight other monsters takes the human part out of it nullifying the basis of his story. I've never read the comic or even watched the movies so what do I know? This is what happens when you're not informed but choose to discuss anyway). My middle school moved from an old historic building to another historic building (abandoned church). I've seen the end to broken curses like the Red Sox ( Glad you guys keep winning but enough is enough. Please don't turn into the Yankees).

The branch where I work will be closing in October. The bank lost the lease and didn't want to pay double the rent. We sent notices to the customers this week. How do you console someone when a place they've been going to for 35 years is closing up?

I can't remember that last time I've heard so many sweet little old ladies say, " I'm pissed". Even though their branch is closing and most will have to close their accounts and go elsewhere most ask about us first. They want to make sure we're going to have jobs and a plan after. It's like saying good-bye to dozens of grandmas and grandpas at once. Some ask if they can call to talk even if their accounts are closed.

The plan is to have all the employees of my branch transferred over to the one in sf. No more free yogurt. No more homemade baked goods. No more grandkid stories.

Cold concrete jungle here I come.

Smile and Nod

There are phone calls in life that you never want to get. You wonder if you did everything you could. If there was something you needed to say.

I didn't know my grandmother on my dad's side very well. She lived by herself and I usually saw her during the major family holidays. She tended to sit in a chair in the corner of the living room. I remember she liked honey-baked ham. She would always give us red envelopes when we visited. She called me big daughter (my dad says she meant eldest daughter, but I was a big child growing up). She had the biggest plastic bag paper napkin collection. It filled an entire closet. I think I get the pack rat side of me from her.

Despite our different dialects, we tried to communicate which was amusing. She would ask me a list of things and I would just smile and nod. Then she would look at me and say "You don't understand me do you? " which I would reply with a smile and frantically nod.

My favorite memory of her had to be on another sad day. It was at the funeral of my grandpa on my mom's side. When you're twelve it seems like books and tv make it such a big deal. It's like every coming of age story starts when you're twelve. I was sitting in a pew by myself crying when my grandma on my dad's side sat down next to me. As the pastor was giving his eulogy she was trying to tell me not to cry so much and things would be ok because my grandpa was in a better place. Before you knew it everyone was facing us. Turns out she was speaking so loudly no one could hear the pastor.

The last time I saw she seemed a bit more cheerful. For the past few years she had become very ill and we didn't see her much. She hadn't smiled for weeks. Not really knowing what to do I was fumbling with my cell phone. She looks at it and I show her my wallpaper. She smiled and nodded. It was a picture of a pom pom sheep I had made. My dad thought it was a cat. But my grandma got it. I bet she liked sheep too.

I'm not sure how to end this post but to say i miss you po po. I sure could use one of your napkins now.

Size 10?!

With two weddings this summer I can't get out of buying a dress. Since we were at the mall, Jocelyn and I went to look. She picked a size four for me. I don't think I've ever worn a size four. I tell her my size and she didn't believe me at all. I go try some things on including the size 4. As I put one leg into it there's just enough material for that one leg and much more of me left outside the dress. Now common sense would tell me it's too small but I was tired and hungry and I told Jocelyn I would try. So I try to put it over my head and got stuck. I had one arm up above my head the other arm stuck halfway. It was getting warm. It looked awkward. I could see my reflection in the dressing room mirror. Then the saleswoman knocked on the door to inform me I was in someone else's dressing room. Out of the many empty rooms I chose the one reserved. I couldn't pull the dress down and it wasn't going up. So I stood there debating if I shoudl just tear it. One final pull up and I was free, dress unharmed. But my hair tye broke, casualty of war. I don't like dress shopping.

"Allen, can I tickle your feet?"- Allen N.

Burn?

After breaking up with someone, what do you do with the stuff they gave you? Set it on fire? Donate it to charity?

I've kept most of the stuff in a box in the bottom corner of my closet. In the beginning I kept the stuff because it was hard seeing it out in the open. They just served as constant reminders of a time that didn't exist anymore. Eating at me everyday. Yes, a part of me even thought there would be a do-over someday.

Now I keep the stuff for two reasons:
1) Sentimental
2) The dang box is just too hard to get to. It's located under blanket box, hat box, college box and misc. item box

Maybe I'll get rid of the stuff once I start a new relationship or need the space in my closet. The latter seems much more likely. The chair in my room is not a good place to keep a week's worth of slacks stacked, no sir.

One could give back what they received from the other person. Physical items. None of that "my time" or "my heart" blah blah blah.

My sister and I were watching a movie online. There were all these misspelled subtitles. She told me we almost had a dvd copy of the movie but our other sister had given it as a gift to her then boyfriend. As we listed things we wished she could get back from him we stopped to think of what he gave her that we wouldn't want to give back, the playstation II + video games. We concluded she got the better end of the deal.

Lift and Separate

I was trying on a bra with undewire. Whoever decided to put wires and bras together probably meant it for torture purposes. I couldn't tell if it did what it's suppose to. I was distracted by the pain.The end of the wire dug right into the area under the rib cage in the middle of the chest. It's was like a pen cap being pressed on the skin and the minute you breathed out it would puncture the lung. Holding one's breath only made the wire sink in. I was trying to get out of the thing but the clasp was stuck and then I started to rapidly breathe which made things worse. How embarrassing, to die by a bra. Luckily reason came to play and I escaped. I get now why some gals don't wear bras. Their first one probably had underwire in it.

I decided to calm down with some tv. The program on was about planning a party, a bra fitting party.

This is not how I want to spend a sunday.

Black and Red

Jocelyn pointed out how there are no celebrations for singles in the United States. We celebrate fertility (see Valentine's Day, Birthday, Mother's Day, etc). In Korea they have something called "Black Wednesday" where singles mourn single hood. It's suppose to counter Valentine's Day. Why the separate day? Can't singles just do all that stuff on Valentine's Day? I guess if we're biologically built to procreate we're suppose to show steps towards that. So if you're single, you've failed your biological purpose. Really, you just lose. Society doesn't celebrate losers. Maybe this lack of celebrating single hood is meant to inspire us all to pair off or face death. If you don't have kids there goes biological proof you existed in the world. Take people who have 18 kids. 18 chances to further extend their genetic legacy. Eventually their offspring will take over the world. Or maybe just maybe they're genetic soup will be so diluted they won't survive and nature will just pick them off. So having multiple children won't really guarantee survival down the road. Maybe single people have the right idea. Why share your life with someone and raise kids when there's no guarantee they'll make it? In conclusion, single people are the geniuses of our society and should be celebrated.

I was reading laurie's entry about having conversations with guys and I came up with a counter stance. Why shouldn't a gal talk and learn more about her guy buds? "Spicy pork turns my poo red". Yes, it was an honest and personal statement by a guy friend but it was just too much.

"I can be friendly if you don't know me". - Jocelyn

17

The Boston Celtics won the NBA championship. People were jumping, hugging and slapping butts. I think the guys I know are more touchy-feely towards each other. The girls don't go past high-fives. I learned butt slapping among guys is ok but cupping of the butt while slapping is not. I had a coach slap me on the butt once. It was the first and last time. First of all she slapped me pretty hard. Second my butt was already uncomfortable because basketball shorts are conductors of static electricity. Slapping of the butt in this situation is dangerous. In basketball players couldn't wear any jewelry because they can get caught in things or pulled off. But really it's because of the static. If your whole body is building up static from the jersey, sweating from the moving, and then it touches some metal BAM! Electrocution.

Oh, I'm glad the Celtics won by 39 points. Boo Lakers! Boooo.

A Rose By Any Other Name

At church jocelyn brought up the topic of having a name of the opposite sex. She wanted something exotic and it became very latin. Somehow we decided if she was a jorge she would have to be pudgy. What would your new name be? Mine would be ben riley. If you know where that name comes from you rock.

Cookie-cutter fortune

I got a fortune cookie message that said, “You have remarkable power which you are not using.” I thought, “This must mean I’m actually clairvoyant”. Sometimes I have a feeling about something out of the blue and not long after something related happens. Yeah it could be coincidence but that cookie confirmed it. This is the universe trying to tell me I have super powers. As I was contemplating how to develop my newfound ability my coworker reads her fortune out loud “You have remarkable power which you are not using.” I totally didn’t see that coming.

Pardon Me While I Burst

Sleepovers are socially awkward situations for me. Besides getting use to the surroundings, there are some things you're more comfortable doing at home than in front of people. So there was 6 of us all in the same room. I'm a light sleeper at these things so I'm aware of what I'm doing. Every turn, every sound I know. As the night wore on I was feeling gassy. Now it makes sense to leave the room and release but this was a studio-kind of apartment and the walls are thin. I thought about going outside but the courtyard magnifies the sound. So I decided to just hold it. Then there was this lava lamp effect where you could feel more buildup. After a while my side starting feeling weird and I thought it was working it's way up to my brain. I'm going to actually have a brain fart. Just when I thought it was going to be alright I started to think about something else and I let one go. Here was a dilemma. Do I try to make another sound to try to make it seem like something else or do nothing? I looked around and everyone was still sleeping. About an hour later an alarm goes up and people are waking up. I was in the clear right? But then one girl says she's been up for hours. This means she probably heard it. At least it wasn't the silent but deadly type.