Bye Bye Birdie

Alexander died today.

My sister called me at work to tell me that. I started to giggle at first because I didn't recognize her voice (She's battling a sore throat and is currently losing). I thought maybe he was buried in the back yard but my dad took him to skyline because Alexander always valued higher education (or he was worried my sisters would insist and handling the corpse to make sure he was gone).

I think he came to the family my sophomore year of college. I was surprised at first because we had loss our previous bird a month before. I didn't feel like raising another one. One summer Alexander stayed in Berkeley with me since my family went to Lake Tahoe. He liked watching tv with me and didn't mind me eating toast and ramen at 3:00am. He liked warm days because I'd leave him on the balcony and he'd watch the squirrels run by.

I told him about my break-up and he was supportive. He jumped from his perch and loudly chirped at me. (I realized later he was trying to signal me to feed him).

He liked playing peek-a-boo. He would do this side shuffle thing whenever any of us were on the exercise bicycle.

He'd imitate the sound of the sliding screen door and the telephone. He could say his name and "i love you." He would often put the two together and say "Alexander, I love you".

Over the years I've had to console a number of customers when their pets pass away. I would say that it wouldn't want them to be sad. It was fortunate enough to have a home and to pass away with owners who cared for it.

I just didn't expect him to go so soon.

Why You Mad?

During this one trip I had wanted to use a pillow to suffocate one of my friends because of the snoring. When you walk for hours in a crowded theme park surrounded by kids a nice long sleep is what I needed. I was tired of waking up in the middle of the night thinking the earth was splitting in two or someone was drowning. What a terrible person I was for thinking of assaulting someone because of their snoring. But then I read this little story today.

Fla. teen allegedly attacks dad for loud snoring

=)

The Old Dragon was a Piece of Crap

So I went to Disneyland again this year. I only remember bits and pieces none of them in any order. I may have run out of memory storage.

McDonald’s has a seasonal pumpkin pie.

No one wants to live in Coalinga.

No more “Fabulous”…ever.

A Disney-block is not the same as a regular city block.

Rockband withdrawal.

Mickey’s face is now on the sun wheel.

Ann is violent towards her sister.

Watching animals give birth is similar to watching humans give birth.

Space mountain three times in a row.

Teacups with Drew. For a few seconds after, the world kept spinning.

Monte Cristos are really donuts stuffed with meat and cheese.

Turkey legs are a good way to pass the time waiting for Fantasmic.

The pinwheels for the fire works are hecka hot.

I randomly yell things when I’m excited and sleep deprived.

Splash Mountain ain’t so fun at night.

We went down the Bayou, twice.

We saw mother brain.

I value sleep very much.

If I learn anything from these trips is that I must really like my friends to still be friends with them. It’s either that or I’m just lazy.

November 13th 2009

The drive to Berkeley was nice. Jocelyn is a polite sitter. 4 out of 5 of us were sock-less. Two pizzas were too much but they were good even without meat. Defining KA-POWS. I just felt like sitting in every chair when we were at IKEA.

Then it was off to see Drew before his photo shoot. I’m not use to seeing my friends dressed so spiffy. Allen J kept checking his pockets to make sure the rings were still there. Wearing a dress does make one feel insecure. It’s rather breezy under the skirt at times.

We tried to hold our breaths as we crossed a tunnel between Emeryville and Berkeley. I’m beginning to love GPS.

We get in to help set-up and it’s amusing how nobody was sure what to do but there was still much doing. I have no idea who the people I spoke with were. I think Drew’s mom was one of them. I got to see some old friends. I like how Alice greeted me in Chinese.

My favorite part of the ceremony was Drew’s face as he waited for Syche to walk down the aisle. I appreciated the warm fuzzies from their looks at each other because it was cold up in the mountains.

I don’t think matchsticks and alcohol can exist together. All those hours watching music videos paid off. Singing out loud to Journey. I think this guy hit on me after I accidentally hit him, awkward. Ann did a TMNT interpretation of the couple. Allen likes to dance with boys. I had to ask Chu how to slow dance because I don’t slow dance. Mike can hecka dance. $1K=one great tasting cake.

Recapping 8 years of our lives to Alice while Kevin led us out of the mountains. Allen N wearing mascara.

I wish all weddings were this much fun. I remember when Drew told me over the phone how he proposed to Syche and how I got all teary-eyed from the news. 10 months later they’re married. One of us is married now. My pulse just quickened as I typed that.

“Do you want any cookies? I think someone sat on this bag” –unknown relative from the wedding.

Emover

Normally, I like Rockband. But I was feeling off yesterday. Granted I was scoring in the same percentile as normal but it wasn’t as enjoyable.

Three weeks have gone by in a flash and Ann won’t be back for another 8 months. That’s almost a whole year. When she was here I forgot that eventually she would have to go back. I guess the rain today is fitting since she is currently on a plane going back to Florida.

Rockband won’t be the same without Adolf. What good is the band name The Axis if you’re short a German?

Good-bye...Forever

this post is powered by barely tea, tofu, frosty and paramore.

at work i saw somebody who wasn't there and i heard someone say my name but no one else heard him. i'll be pretty mad if my super power has finally surfaced and it's the ability to hear people's thoughts and i do nothing but whine about it every single week (how dare they pair my favorite character with the lame boring one. i don't mind my favorite being trapped in someone's head and surfacing here and there to say hi. but he should be trapped in mine or i could be stuck in his, whatever).

anywho, this reminded me of ghosts and death. people die, it's inevitable. just because there's nothing you can do to stop it, it doesn't mean one becomes indifferent to it.

the feeling of sadness does ease over time but some of it is replaced with guilt because it feels wrong to not hurt as much anymore. if you love someone shouldn't the pain of losing them grow the longer you are without them?

how sad if after one dies no one missed them. occasionally, accounts are closed because a customer has passed away. some aren't claimed them. it makes you wonder how their life got to a point where no one was around to pick up the pieces. No one was there to say good-bye.

I use to think the word “good-bye” was weird. I didn't get how leaving someone could be good (Sure if you didn't like somebody but one normally wouldn't say good-bye then). So I did some research on Dictionary.com. Oh boy was it educational.

“good-bye
–interjection
1. farewell ( a conventional expression used at parting).
-Noun
2. a farewell.
Also, goodbye.
Origin:
1565–75; contr. of God be with ye ”

Word History: No doubt more than one reader has wondered exactly how goodbye is derived from the phrase "God be with you." To understand this, it is helpful to see earlier forms of the expression, such as God be wy you, god b'w'y, godbwye, god buy' ye, and good-b'wy. The first word of the expression is now good and not God, for good replaced God by analogy with such expressions as good day, perhaps after people no longer had a clear idea of the original sense of the expression. A letter of 1573 written by Gabriel Harvey contains the first recorded use of goodbye: "To requite your gallonde [gallon] of godbwyes, I regive you a pottle of howdyes," recalling another contraction that is still used.

I ask God to have your back and you "regive" me a "pottle of howdyes"?. A gallon of God's protection for "hoydyes" which you've given before? Really? I am so going to go sylar on your butt...head, whatever.

And So It Begins

the wedding season is off to a late start for me. i hope this doesn't turn into a yearly thing. i don't know how many times i can recycle dresses.

i will be working this next wedding. i like working weddings now. no, i'm not talking about the side hobby of "making friends" at a wedding. for some reason they tend to expire or are only good the day of. i've been assigned the welcome table. i wish i could say it's because i'm a good greeter but my current status got me this gig. yes, being single does have it's perks. you get to sit up front and have first look at the merchandise. that was a pretty terrible thing to write but it's true.

i hate to disappoint but as you know i don't perform in front of a live audience. also, the brain is kinda slow for me here. i don't realize i like someone until it's too late. oh and i currently am feeling bleh about dating.

i got my wedding invite in the mail today for drew and syche's wedding. the inner envelope was labeled "den". What does that mean? Oh, the J and E got connected and looked it looked like the word "den".

since i'm on the topic of weddings. i had a dream about one. so, do u want to hear it? if not just stop reading. ok i'll go. in this dream i haven't seen laurie in weeks. i think i just came back from china. i finally see her and she shows me her wedding invites. dale's name is not on the invite. before i can ask her what's up she disappears. drew tells me that laurie is marrying some random guy. throughout the dream i'm trying to find out what happened but i can't. transformers are squatting in my house and they're trying to kill humans for forcing them to live in shanty towns. the neighborhood was overgrown with trees and parts of town were now underwater. i managed to stun a robot by hitting him in the head with a converter box. i end up in serramonte and it's five floors now. oh and the Niners won the superbowl so everybody is wearing red and gold. Crazy right? I know the team has been doing well so far but wow.

"it's hard to say i'd rather stay awake when i'm asleep 'cuz everything is never as it seems"- owl city.

TV --> Memory + Happy

it's been said tv rots the brain but i don't think that's true. if anything i think tv preserves mine. why do i say this? is this post being sponsored by some major network? (hey if someone were to offer a sponsorship i would not decline. adulthood is expensive, seriously).

recently i find myself having problems remembering things. granted this could due to old age and fatigue. i deduce that since tv is no longer stretching my brain to its limits my brain has gotten lazy. tv bombards us with so much at once the brain must work quickly to process it. since i have to find ways to fill the time there is no time for my brain to recoup at the end of the day. it doesn't take a whole lot of effort to sit and absorb stuff. i think tv is what i need to reboot my memory.

i think tv also calms my nerves. i listen to music, read and journal but there's just something about tv that is so calming to me. my parents and i get into weekly "loud discussions" now. my parents pointed out that i wasn't so quick to anger before.

i'm not sure how i will test this out.

anyone want to buy me a flat screen tv? i'll remember stuff and will be less angry if you do.

Stage Fright

I will never become an actor (and I no longer want to date one).

i can be bold at times, bolder than i would expect. But I cannot perform in front of a live audience. I can't be bold when those around me expect to see it.

Last sunday there was a new guy at church. jocelyn tactfully suggested for me to go say hi. i had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. i have more standards besides just male and single. but it didn't hurt to say hi so i made my way over. i couldn't get there. my magnetic personality drew all these people to me and i had to say hi. he was talking to someone and this one gal pushed past me to talk to him. i go back to my seat relieved divine intervention..intervened.

after church i was pulled out to meet him. i was too embarrassed to blush (the blood vessels in my checks were too embarrassed to be seen with me). we said hi.

then it was off to westlake and new guy ends up there with because he knew this other guy and his wife who knew us. later, we went to trader joe's where lemons are sold by the tree. we spoke.

i decided to watch zq's current short film and let's just say if the censors had their way the dialouge would be one continuous beep.

so what lesson have i learned? i'm happy as a single gal.

i have the first two seasons so i decided to get the third today. the guy at the register wanted to talk to me about sylar. *bleh*

[end scene]

Life After TV

I wasn't sure how I could fill the time that once belonged to TV. It was difficult at first. Almost as difficult as having a friend moving away or losing the use of a limb. But I find that I'm managing without it and will probably survive.

I read a book. Crazy since it wasn't a comic or harry potter.

I worked out a little.

I went to a Michael's craft store.

I'm almost at the end of my journal.

I had a conversation with my sister.

I listened to music.

I went to a Giants game.

I watched an entire anime series. it was awful but I finished it.

I can day dream again.

I opened a restaurant.

I know when the fall season starts I'll be searching for a functioning TV set but for the time being it's nice thinking for myself again.

Say Goodnight and Go (Please?)

As you probably know by now I have a little crush on a celebrity. Even if you don't read this blog you know. After weeks of this crush based on an idea of not the actual person it was time to bid adieu (I have a picture of him in my journal. Fine, it’s more than one. No, I did not draw little hearts or write “Mrs. Quinto”. I would like to know someone before I marry them. Besides, why should I change my last name?).

Before I could decide what my new cell wall-paper would be I decided to read a recap of comic-con highlights. I read up on a Fringe spoiler (fan-girl squeal). Then the writer mentions going to lunch outside the convention and guess who he sees. It was like a two sentence thing but I found myself sitting in my cubicle grinning.(Ok, save your eye-rolling and embarrassment. I feel exactly the same way. As someone once said it’s easy to laugh at others but having a sense of humor is about being able to laugh at yourself). Oh and you can read the Fringe spoiler here:
http://paralleluniverse.msn.com/comic-con/day-three-tv/story/feature/?GT1=28140

I changed my wall paper and attempted to let go of this...nothingness. But I found myself watching star trek for a third time. I could've left the room to watch jocelyn's restaurant make money but her cat jesse sat on me and fell asleep. who am i to get in the way of fate?

then jocelyn got me the spock action figure from the movie. i had to keep my joy under control because we were in a public place. i have it hanging in my room so it reflects off the closet mirror for all to see.

getting over an imaginary boyfriend is hard.

"it's like you've been playing with bacon" - allen n.

I'd Eat This and Probably That Too

It’s the state faire fare entry. So what on this list, Top 10 Most Unusual State Fair Foods by MSN, is worth the calories?

1. Chicken-fried Bacon
I like bacon more as an addition to things or as a wrap around. So this would be more appealing if it was chicken fried steak wrapped with bacon or fried chicken wrapped with bacon.

2. Fried avocado Bites
This sounds healthy and it comes with ranch.

3. Spaghetti and Meatball on a stick.
It should be the size of my head propped up on a sword or spear. The middle should be filled with something like hot cheese or candy or the plague.

4. Fried Frog Legs
I’ve tried fried salt and pepper ones once. They taste fine just not enough meat.

5. Hot Beef Sundae
Reminds me of the KFC bowl Allen N. claims he came up with but with beef. I like the cherry tomato on top. It makes it cute.

6. Pizza Cones
Again I like pizza but I wouldn’t go to a fair for it. Reminds me of that chip shaped like a cone you could top your fingers with. This would be way to hot for that.

7. Krispy Kreme Chicken Sandwich
Allen J told me about this one. Sure why not. I like donuts I like chicken I like fried foods.

8. Deep Fried Twinkies
The idea of fried cake is iffy. The picture shows a line of people of a certain stature waiting for them. I want to see the actual food not the results of eating one.

9. Fried Coca-Cola
I'm a fan of coke in general. I remember how Great America sold Coke ICEE, icy sweetness.

10. Key Lim Pie on a Stick
I’ve had cheesecake on a stick, hot dog on a stick, cheese on a stick. This is kinda lame.

A is for .....

At work our IT stuff is outsourced. One guy who I'll call AV was the most dependable. More time was spent joking around than actually fixing problems. A few months ago we were assigned a brand new team. No more AV. My supervisors flew out to meet them. Shortly after, AV emailed to say “hi” and said I was his favorite because it never felt like work. Aww, he’s my favorite too. But we’ll never talk again.

then a friend who i haven't heard from drops a line, things are going ok but he's now off on a trail for a couple of months.

another announced he was getting married. to know you still matter even after no contact for months means something. i started to imagine what life would be like to have him around again. Then I learned he'll be moving across country soon after the
wedding.

at work one of my coworkers resigned and left the same day. we were in different dept but she was one of the first people to really welcome me to the other branch. we'd have lunch and she'd talk to me about the dangers of processed foods. i walked past her empty cubicle a few times today. I tried not to linger.

the best way i can explain is like this. it's like learning to skate. i cling to the wall and slowly i drag myself along until i start to slide. then i advance to where i'll trust you and take your hand. then you let go and wait in the middle of the rink. i follow you out but by the time i get there you're gone. i find myself alone not sure of where to go next. so i find myself crawling back to the wall and i start all over again.

i get that some connections are consistent. some are not.

I have different expectations, different levels for different people. But it's always hard when the expectations you have for someone don't match theirs especially when you want more than what they're willing/can give.

don't get me wrong, i appreciate those who are still here and those who are returning. but i sometimes wonder not if they'll leave but when. everyone is growing up.

whenever i get comfortable or attached things have to change. quite often it means separation. maybe these are suppose to be reminders that this is all temporary and someday we'll have to leave it all behind.

i get it ok? enough already of this life lesson.

For the record, adam levine looks nothing like ZQ, not even close.

Toilet Humor

So I was using the restroom when a coworker rushed into the stall next to mine and let one go. It was like a car back firing. I debated if I should go out of the stall while she was there or wait for her departure. I decided to sit very still and wait. After a while she left. As I washed my hands she rushed back in saw me and rushed back out. I stood there, washing my hands with cherry blossom foam, and looking at my reflection as it said to me, “At least you tried not to embarrass her”.

I needed to use the restroom at Golden Gate Park. They built a separate restroom and closed the one inside the boat house. As usual there was a long line for the women's. When i was at the head of the line only 2 of the 3 stalls seemed to have had occupancy changes. Another women behind me asked if i could check the third stall. Now before i go on further let me explain this was the large stall sometimes referred to as the handicap stall but is more likely the family stall. so i gently pushed opened the stall door and was assaulted by a scene i will not describe here. Let's just say I won't be eating boiled lettuce topped with oyster sauce anytime soon. I immediately back away and told them not to go in. One of the ladies apologized to me and the one who asked me to look wouldn't look at me. Just then the maintenance guy puts up the "Closed for Cleaning" sign. Why did you clean the men's room first?! You could've saved me.

Fred Has Been Found!

Last night as I was filling the time with watching gameplay online I happened to pop into facebook and learned that Fred was found.

Apparently, he was found in jocelyn's mini-fridge sitting in the egg compartment. Not sure what he was doing there. Maybe Fred was looking for a chick?

He's a little cold but he's doing ok. Fred must've known he'd be living in the peninsula land of cold and fog. He was just preparing himself for the rest of his life.

I'll be sure to keep him away from any fridges unless supervised.

Have You Seen Me?

Ever since Laurie got Jocelyn this crocheting book she’s been crocheting. She made a robot and offered to make me one. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but I was really looking forward to owning my own yarn robot. The thing is freakin’ adorable. So finally the big day came Sunday and I got my very own and I named him Fred. I was very protective of him. Bon Bon for some reason thought he was food. Then it was time to take Fred home but he didn’t make it home.

I can’t find Fred. I’ve looked everywhere. Fred wasn’t at Jocelyn’s house either. The guilt of losing Fred has gotten to me. Last night I had a dream Fred called to say good-bye (I don’t know how Fred called me. I don’t think he had a cell phone). He said he was lying in a gutter. Fred told me it was too late and he didn’t have very long. I went outside to get him and I found him. His head was busted open and his star bead was missing. Fred had been mugged. I woke up this morning and I know I was dreaming but I rushed outside to look in the gutter and of course he wasn’t there.

The time with Fred was so short and now he is lost forever just like that pack of 100spider-man stickers. He's gone off to the robot-place in the sky. I'll miss you Fred.

I hope I never adopt. I’m sure it’s much more complicated when you misplace a child.

New Regime

One of the departments at work hired a new head. By the second day she was ruling with an iron fist. The morale of the other half of the bank is low. For years they would abuse lunch and break times. No more. Rumors about staff changes are coming true. Each month the axe drops and we wait to see who will be next. I’m glad I don’t work in that department. One day I was walking down this one hall and she was standing by someone’s cubicle. Apparently, I startled her with my ninja skills because she whirled around ready to attack. Minutes later when I walked by again she was giving the person in the cubicle the death stare. I tried not to look for fear I would turn to stone.

I don’t think the new hire even knows who I am or what my name is but when I greet her she just smiles back at me. The other day she was in the lobby and she was looking for a diet coke. So I tell her there are a couple in the lunchroom and her face lights up. She walks away but I realize I wasn’t sure if there were any left. So I rush up the stairs and luckily there were some. So I gently pick one up fearful that if I shook it and it exploded when she opened it I would see my insides line the walls of my cubicle. So I give this soda to her and she practically jumps up and down and says I’m the “bestest” and skips away from me back to her office (she really did skip).

I don’t know if that was creepier or her death stare.

3:40pm is the new 5:00pm

So I was hard at work when I received two emails notifying me of a celebrity passing. Within 10 minutes (I timed it), I received 4 face-to-face announcements from different coworkers about the same thing. I rolled my eyes acknowledging I was notified already. But I was annoyed that while I was working, everybody else was not. These are lean times. People are looking for work. The way people went about it bugged me because it was like office gossip and people were scurrying around trying to see who could spread it the fastest. I saw a couple of grins. C’mon, someone died. The facebook feeds? I bet prior to this majority of people weren't even fans. We live in the age of technology and science. With your cell phone you can twitter when you went to the john or post footage of it on youtube. I can’t imagine life without tech but there are some days where it’s too much. Remember when we used the phone to call each other? I have to admit I do like this one additional feature on my phone. I can take pictures and use those as cell phone wallpaper. Good-bye default sail boat. Hello Zachary Quinto.

(Yes, I see the irony in this. It's 2:56pm and I'm blogging while at work. I'm on a work break).

T-Minus 6 months and Counting

What super ability would you want? Ok, we all can't have telekinesis. We all can't go around moving objects with our brains. We'd become fat because we'd never move to get anything. Look what remotes did to us. Why do you think the term is couch potato. It ain't couch green bean. I would be wary to have telekinesis despite how cool it looks on tv. Jean Grey of the X-men didn't make it look cool though. It always looked like she was having a migraine or she'd collapse afterwards. The only times it looked effortless was when she was possessed or bad. Maybe only villains make it appealing. I mean would you really use it for good like saving cats from trees? No! You would probably use it for evil like (insert evil use here).

I was trying to think of one that matched me. Shape shifting's cool. Invisibility would be useful. Walking through walls would allow me not to carry my keys around. Crazy memory. I got that one already. Highly skilled mercenary with a mouth? I do like to talk. I've distracted many a driver with my conversation skillz but i'm not much of a mercenary. Spider...eww no. The other day I was standing by my closest when i tried to fix a hair that was standing up. Only it wasn't a hair, it was a spider's leg and the rest of the spider was still attached and alive. I know, that's hella gross!

Anywhoodle, another super power i find interesting is foretelling the future. There are some things i like to be surprised about. if you could see the future i think it would mess with you. it'd mess with me. i'd be all twitchy from whether or not i was purposely preventing an event or heading to it. i mentioned in an older post March 4 aka Go Forth about how a customer at work gave me a fortune about what would happen in the next three years for me when it came to my love life. At the time I didn't take her seriously. But lately these little signs/nudges keep popping up and it makes me wonder if something is going to happen soon.

The kids in sunday school were asking questions about laurie's engagement. one asked when i would be engaged. i would have to say yes to a somebody. i was short a somebody. she said it'll happen in six months and the kids sorta chime in with her.

At home group one person said when she first started attending she told her husband she felt someone would be engaged soon and it would be me.

I won't lie to you. I do find the prospect of this intriguing. I'm not on the hunt for anybody but it makes me wonder if he's just around the corner. I wonder if it's someone I already know. Do you think his initials are ZQ? ( I know, I really should take this down a notch. Don't want to come off obsessive). What if he's someone brand-spanking new? There are at least 3 weddings to attend in my future. We all know what happened at the last two I went to. Each time I make just a little more progress. Will the next one bring me to the one?

Eh, whatever. Telekinesis it is.

Um....Ok

I was just working on a post yesterday titled "Where is the Love?" and apparently I have my answer now. It's infiltrated the group.

I know we had one earlier this year to get things rolling. you know beginning of the end to being marriage-free but wow how quickly the end is coming.

So last weekend allen n is all telling me he has to be at a friend's engagement and then today i find out online who's engagement it is and my first thought is, " Life, why do you use my words against me?". Well, actually i gasped first but once the oxygen came back to the brain that was my first thought. Wait, no, there was a "I knew it!" in there and a "oh great, how long until he tells me this directly?". But anywhoo....

So late last year I was feeling engagement/wedding fatigue from all the happy news and i said if i hear of another engagement i'd scream. well life you win. since all these took place the beginning of this year i can't scream.

But 3 in one year? in one group if you include nonactive members?

who is next? who is next?!

i need to sit down for a moment.

Why don't you just make it 4 engagements in the group this year Life, you still have half a year left.

i dare you.

Why TV?! Why?!!!!!

I have a few things in life I enjoy. TV is one of them. It talk me how to speak English (lol, word should be taught. i didn't "talk" me well apparently). It taught me about racism. Cars going around in circles can be a sport. Flashing a boob on TV is a career killer. As long as you look hot you can be famous. It distracts me from earthquakes. I don't have to think because it thinks for me.

I've never had cable at home. the logic was we watch enough free network TV so cable would just be too much. But now we are forced to go digital or watch no TV. one of our TVs had already been hooked up because of the false start in the digital switch a few months back. All i had to do was hook up one more TV in the house. About 10 scans, 3 battery switches, and one collapse to the ground later it was able to scan for 10 channels. Out of the 10, 5 were in English. Out of that 3 channels didn't skip or weren't repeats.

surfing lags because there's a 3 second pause. the picture seems clearer but it's hard to tell since it is surrounded all around by a 5 inch blackness. everybody looks smaller. occasionally, everybody turns into blocks. The sound skips. If it's a weak signal? Darkness and silence.

I have decided on the theme song for this new era in television "New Divide" by Linkin Park. This switch to digital has separated me from my favorite shows and networks. Good-bye ABC and NBC. We have to go our separate ways now because your signals are out of reach. How i will miss you both. i miss NBC more than ABC. Stupid ABC got rid of "pushing daisies". No more HEROES or CHUCK. I used flair credits to save Chuck. Good bye ZQ you will only exist now in my heart and as my cell wallpaper. All i have left is FOX. Oh no, FOX news, will that be my new comedy hour? I will not watch the CW's network prime time programming(CBS, you can die too). You killed Veronica and the Gilmore Girls and I swore on their graves I would never go back to you.

I miss analog signals. Why does everything I love leave me? I should start loving world hunger or aids or cancer. Do some good with my curse.

Just when I was going to curl into a ball hope was on the horizon. It's going to be alright because there's always HULU! I love you HULU. Don't leave me. You're all I have left.

Sparkle

so at work more than one person has commented on my skin. today someone asked, "how do you keep your skin so pale?". i narrowed my gaze and said quietly, "don't you know? i'm a vampire." then i jumped over the counter, turned into a bat and flew down montgomery street.

No that didn't really happen but what a story it would be if it did. I just shrugged and said I was born this way. Plus i wear sunscreen even though i spend most of my time indoors.

now that i think about it i do burn rather easily in the sun. i like my red meat bloody. i feel a hundred years old. i wear dark colors. i tend to creep up on people. i see better in the dark than i do in light. i'm really strong..brain-wise. i age pretty well. i would die if a stake was put through my heart.

maybe i am a vampire....or just an emo asian.

This Town Ain't Big Enough

As we get older we get wiser. But there are some things I wish I weren’t getting wiser about. Can love and intelligence exist in perfect harmony? Can the brain and the heart work together and not tear a person to pieces?

I've spent the majority of my adult life single. I've been in one relationship and have more crushes than I could name (real people or not). I don't mind listening to another person's concerns but I don't feel qualified to give dating advice. If anything dating has left me thinking hopeless romantics should be taken out and shot.

I don't understand the “on a break” thing. Sounds more like “let me put you off to the side while I wander around. When I find no one better than you we’ll get back together. But if I find someone better, good-bye”. I think it’s good to tell your partner when things feel stagnant but the idea of a break, I just don’t like it. I don't know if there's anything comforting I can say to someone who's been forced into a break. My first thought is always, "This is the beginning of the end. Get out now".

Also, I don't know what it is about love that makes people lose their senses. I know that down the line when I'm dating again I'll be just as foolish. Even though it feels like a long time ago there are still things about being in love that I can remember. Apparently, cupid doesn't aim for the heart; he aims for the brain.

So in an earlier post titled "Has Become a Fan Of" I mention how I currently have a celebrity crush. I was on Zachary Quinto's official website and it dawned on me that this is stupid. For weeks I debated whether or not to become one of his fans on facebook. In that time his fan base has gone up 50%. Yes the man is incredibly photogenic, is great on screen and sounds smart but so what? Even if I were to become a fan, follow him on twitter, read his blog and learn all there is out there online about him I will never know him. He will never know me. He doesn't even know I exist. I will not be fan number 21 thousand whatever. What would be the point? I'm letting go of this and returning to my daily life minus ZQ (dang him for being so pretty).

"You like the bad guy? The one who goes around cutting the tops of people's heads off? Yeah, he's kinda cute" - sis.

Shades of Gray

(If you know what the above title is a reference to then you're as silly as I am).

I hate it when after telling somebody you're ok you realize after saying it you're really not.

For some reason on Sunday afternoon I just felt low. It was as if my brain forgot to make endorphins and I couldn't pull myself off the ground, figuratively (way too hot to lie on the carpet). It was such a great weekend though. I have moments when I'm not a bottle of sunshine but it got to the point where one of my sisters noticed something was off. She never notices.

I rewatched a few scenes from heroes but nothing. Sure I would smile a little when a certain someone came on screen but it didn't last long.

I didn't feel like eating dinner and I didn't even eat the ice cream sandwiches my dad bought.

Don't worry I'm not relapsing into anything. I'll never even consider it again.

The worst part is I don't even know why. I prayed about it and I felt a little better knowing even if I can't find the words He doesn't need to hear them because He already knows.

But still, this is going to be one extremely long week.

Has Become a Fan of....

This may contain spoilers (but not for you Allen).

I blame penicillin and lack of solid food for this.

During breaks I web surf. Lately I've been looking stuff up about a particular person. I wish I could say it's someone important like a historical or political figure but it's not.

In high school I had a binder with cut-outs of cute celebrities. Remember one of my old webpages in college dedicated to pretty male celebrities? Yeah, those weren't creepy at all.But now find myself in a similar place. There is no binder or webpage. But it doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it (I was trying to find two back issues of Entertainment Weekly where the guy's on the covers).

Luckily I haven't done anything descructive. No fan mail, I promise. Although I have been using up my hard earned flair credits like there's no tomorrow (I may have a flair addiction now. See this is why I don't have a specific hobbie or interest. Besides action figures I have spider-man sheets, floor mat and even cold packs. I become obsessed with something and then I have to go cold turkey. Oh turkey. I so miss meat).

I know I'm too old for this. Also, I'm sane enough to know nothing would ever happen. I don't even know the person. So this is just one more thing I will have to let go of. But still I grin like an idiot every time a certain movie trailer comes on.

But this relapse in my behavior has got me wondering if I have gone back to a specific guy preference.

Here is what I've noticed so far:

1)Guys raised by single parents or their parents were suddenly taken away from them (you know romulans or something)

2)Guys who are into sci-fi comic stuff

3)Guys with the dark twisty emo thing aka complicated

4)Guys who are tall with dark hair and dark eyes (because blond and blue equal happy to me and we all know how I am around happy people)

5)Guys with brains that they put to use

So in conclusion my current type is a 30-something year old Spock (but with better hair and pointy ears are optional).

(And no, I don't plan on attending any star trek conventions. My sense of smell is still working after all).

Owned

The articles linked in this post may be graphic. Viewer discretion is advised.

I warned you.

I was eating lunch at my desk today while reading msn and saw this article from the Today Show Website, "Toddler Ok after pencil lodges through neck".

I almost choked on my soup and inhaled my spoon. This is one of my big fears and it freakin' happened.

Oh and here's another article on someone else who had a really really bad day.

For some reason I found this one funny.

The Fourth Wall

This blog would cease to exist if I didn't have my friends and family. They are the source material that keeps this whole thing going.

So on Friday after watching Star Trek the movie (JJ Abrams is a freakin' genius. I swear it was one of those movies that reminded me that I walk a very thin line between everyday person and fan girl. I would watch it again. I would've bought it legally if they sold it right there and then)a few of us stopped by Jack in the Box to eat. How high school of us. I think we would've gone to Arajo's if it weren't for a certain type of flu currently in the news (whatever, some of us are racists). Anyway somewhere between WOW and weddings the idea of lucid dreaming came up.

Allen wanted to learn to control what happened in his dreams or at least become aware in the dream he was dreaming because it would then become a new form of entertainment for him. However last time I checked he hadn't quite gotten there yet but instead
found himself in some very strange scenarios.

I can remember once where I realized I was dreaming and was able to manipulate some stuff around. It's pretty fun although at some point I lost control and ending up driving off a bridge. I think i was trying to see if I could go from bridge to water without dying. You know like in mario kart where if you drive away from the island track that guy on the cloud will come and fish you out of the ocean.

So, in a recent dream I found myself in a spanish-tile type of resort by the beach. Everything was sunset colors. Anywhoo, it's a group trip and I run into jocelyn in the lobby. we're heading out somewhere and she tells me she needs to wait for her husband. so we're waiting and you know who her husband is? it's ryan renolds but as wade wilson aka deadpool(sorry kevin)! he had the swords and everything. i ask her how that happened and she wasn't sure. wade was pushing a baby stroller (When i told jocelyn that part she got so mad. Not the fact that her husband wasn't kevin but the stroller part. It's a good thing I didn't tell her it was one of those that hold three kids at once). i asked wade what he thought about his depiction in the wolverine movie and he looks at me and goes, "You know about that? Can you see the yellow bubbles and boxes too?". Just then I realize that everyone had been speaking in yellow bubbles. Then a yellow thought box came up next to my head which read, "My life is a comic book? This is the best thing ever!".

But alas my alarm sounded and life is not a comic book. I double checked by talking out loud but there were no yellow bubbles.

"spider-man cheated because he didn't make his own web. if he really did it wouldn't come from his wrists. it'd come from his butt"- sis.

Good Intentions -> Heck

There are times when one has good intentions and those intentions blow up in one's face. Take this example.

I was in the restroom and I noticed the trash can in the stall was looking full. It's built into the wall. the key was in the lock so i thought i would just open it, take the can out, dump the stuff in the big can and done!

but no, the key was so hard to turn. when I got it opened lets just say something bad greeted me. actually it was one type of bad but many versions of it. i decided against dumping anything and tried to close the thing. it wouldn't latch. so i gave it one final push and some of the stuff popped out!

there i was with the trash door open, stuff all over the place and the sense that if i didn't get outta there i would be caught.

it was the same stall where the toilet wouldn't flush that one time.

i hate you bathroom stall.

Potato

I was on Bart and this thought came to mind. Then at work it came back and I couldn’t help myself. I wrote a song. Well, more like a poem since I don’t know how to compose music.

The Potato Song/Poem
There’s this guy I use to know.
His name is Pasini, Joe.
He lived in the city of Pacifica.
I think he drove a maroon Corolla.
He wasn’t born in the month of June.
When the radio would play a tune
He would sometimes sing along
But he’d go and change the song.

Po-ta-to Potato
Po-ta-to Potato

It was just a very strange thing
Because that’s what he’d sing.
What’s up with that I’d wonder?
Did he just commit a blunder?
He’d turned to me and say
Why you looking at me that way?
It just fits in any song is all.
Even the cheesy stuff heard at the mall.

Po-ta-to Potato
Po-ta-to Potato

So I gave it a try
And I won’t lie.
Not just a food that goes with ham.
Can help you in a lyrical jam.
It comes in totally handy
Super fine, pretty dandy
It was more than a quirk
Because my friends it totally works!

Po-ta-to POTATO
Po-ta-to POTATO

Don’t worry if it seems silly, yo
It’s just helps the song to flow
When you can’t remember the words
Or if you find the lyrics absurd
You don’t have to dread
Just use this word instead
Po-ta-to POTATO
Po-ta-to POTATO

“You have a fake hypothetical wedding plan. Wait, that means it’s real!” – laurie.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

In a previous post I mentioned how people protest across the street from where I work. I have learned protesters are selective as to who can join their cause.

One of the customers at work sounds just like ray ramano. Whenever he talks I try not to giggle. Anywhoo, he was waiting for his receipt when he started laughing. He points out one protester standing by himself away from the group. This protester showed up to every single protest no matter what the cause. During the election he was all for clinton, then obama and then clinton, and then obama. The one cause he has stuck to is that the earth has been visited by aliens from 12 different planets. I have named him Clinbama.

I watched Clinbama for a few mintues. He looked like a man (that was a good MAD tv skit), a short dark haired male, middle aged, glasses, green tweed suit, a little on the heavy side.

The other protesters would move away every time he took a step towards them. Finally they formed a circle away from him as if to say, "You can't play with us Clinbama. Go away". Clinbama, holding his lone sign, looked to the ground and shuffled his feet.

Kinda sad when even the outcasts don't want you.

Coming Soon to a Bookstore Near You

One thing I miss about Ann is her sense of humor because it’s very much like mine. Not only will she let an idea of mine run away she’ll help it pack.

Currently we were discussing how I will someday write a parenting book even though I don’t have any children myself and do not interact with them on a daily basis. Not physical children anyways. Here’s what I have so far.

Chapter One: The enemy
- Children are nature’s perfect biological weapons. The germs they carry won’t kill them but can easily take down a full grown adult.
- They eventually become the future work force that will force you out of the job you have now.

Chapter Two: The Balloon is Your Friend
- In addition to distracting a child, balloons serve another purpose. Write your child’s name and an arrow pointing to him/her on the balloon. Tie this balloon to your child at all times. Be sure said balloon is inflated and replaced when necessary. When you find yourself in the middle of an amusement park you’ll have an easy way to identify your child if he/she happens to wander off. This is a safe and economical way of tracking your child.

Chapter Three: The Leash is Your Friend
- Parents should not have more children then they do hands. If they do, each child must be kept on a leash for better control and management. If you find yourself the parent of fourteen, there is no need to purchase one leash for each. Leash technology has come a long way. Some leashes split into multiple prongs. This may be a more desirable method if the balloon method for tracking does not work for you. Your child could be allergic to latex or you may have so many children you could be mistaken as the Grand Marshall of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.

Chapter four: It's a Never Ending Cycle

Closing Thoughts
- Just don't have kids.
- I’m not any kind of child expert nor do a claim to be. I am however a single person and am not easily taken in by their charms. Therefore I am the perfect third party observer of them.
- If you don’t agree with me fine. But you wouldn’t need this book if you didn’t have them in the first place. You would probably be reading the great American novel instead but you don't have the time. I wonder why.
- Thank you for purchasing my book. Without you I would not become a New York Times Best Seller with tons of disposable income because I don’t have offspring to support.

So if things work out this should come out in the next decade unless I find myself a parent by then and will have neither the time nor the energy to complete it.

Light Bulb Moment

Sometimes my sisters and I can talk to each other without it resulting in a shouting match. For example, we were discussing donuts and came to agree on the donut hole as the overall favorite. One of them didn't get how they could be called holes if they had no hole in them. We explained to her they were the middles of donuts.

One sister brought up teasing and how as young girls we’re told that a boy who teases you likes you. Don't worry about the lack of respect this boy has for you by causing you discomfort because he likes you. As a result some women end up with jerks. If they believe teasing equals fondness then abuse must equal love. No wonder the phrase “nice guys finish last” seems true. If we are taught as children that teasing is a sign of affection we assume this person is a suitor. Any nice interaction is automatically taken to be platonic. It’s time to break away from this way of thinking. Teasing should not be awarded with a valentine or giggles. It should be met with a restraining order.

“I’ve reached my hug quota for the year, possibly for the rest of my life” – me (on the day of the baptism).

F.E.A.R.

growing up my parents said not to watch certain things because i'll get nightmares and won't be able to sleep. they don't bug me when i sleep. instead they bug me when i'm awake.

in recent years the standard for horror films is the pale asian girl with the long black hair over her face dressed in white. guess what? i'm pale. I'm asian. i have long black hair. the shirt i wear to sleep is white. since one side of my room is mirrored i wake up to my own reflection. now i can't look at it in the wee hours of the morning. i just freak myself out. i just imagine that if i pull my hair back i'll look like that elf in the forest in the lord of the rings movie or worse i could have jack skeleton's grin.

i don't get it. i don't watch horror films unless there are zombies involved. so why the sudden eebie jeebies about this image?

i know it's just me in the mirror.

but still i don't want me to get me.

Has Left the Building

a friend once mentioned how it can be hard to enjoy something because one is already preparing for the future. even when things are going smoothly one is bracing for the road blocks.

i don't think i'm a cold person but it takes a while to know me. i'm reluctant to invest in the short term. i get nervous when i find i'm attached to someone. there's always the lingering fear that someday they'll be gone from my life.

i know people grow up and sometimes it means growing apart. But this just makes it harder since i should know better and can't get over it.

maybe i just don't understand how in order for someone i love to be happy it may mean they will have to be apart from me. they will be living a life separate from mine.

but i guess that's why we have to live in the moment because once it's gone it may never come back.

Cherry Kisses

I think the Anti-valentine’s Day post may be the most consistent topic i write about. I still believe it to be a creation of card and candy producers to make more money. Someday I will create a mass-marketing campaign where Plutonic (It’s spelled wrong. It’s an inside joke) Day will trump Valentine’s Day.

Ok so here's some history on it. Supposedly there was a Saint Valentine back in the day but no one is really sure as to the origin story. He would cheer up other prisoners by passing out little notes or treats. It makes me wonder what sort of reception he would receive if he were to try this in our modern prison system today.

I’m not a fan of pink. My Alma mater has embedded me to hate red. So if the official colors of this holiday/occasion are pink and red it’s a no go.

Why celebrate love with one day? It should be everyday.

It's not even good enough to grant us time off work. If a guy showing up in a boat leading to the near extinction of a population can get a holiday and a day supposedly about love cannot something must be wrong.

It gets in the way of nerf gun dart war (I’m just teasing. No I am not).

It’s one of those days that are anti-independent. If you have someone special in your life yay you. If you don’t… you lose. There’s a two-part ad for a restaurant which is offering specials for couples and singles. Couples get a nice romantic dinner and singles are encouraged to drink the night away. That's right, get drunk, get in a car accident and die because no one loves you. No one will miss you.

If you forget to wish Jocelyn a Happy Valentine’s Day, she’ll be mad.

Well the entire thing isn’t bad. Our favorite candy producers usually come out with special addition versions of classic candies.

And in case you were wondering what I will be doing this day, I will be having a steak dinner, at home, with just myself and my parents. Help me.

"Ok so we should invite jocelyn, me...wait...I'm jocelyn." -jocelyn

I'm Not Dead

My sisters use YouTube tutorials. A few are titled as above and it makes me wonder if somebody really thought the author was deceased because they hadn’t recently uploaded a video. Oh, and there are those who start off their video with, “this is a request but I really don’t like this and don’t want to do it but I will because it’s a request”. That’s stupid. Requests can be denied. Besides there’s always someone else out there who will want to do it if you don’t. So really it’s not that you don’t want to do a request it’s because you want to please your audience. Because if you don’t cater to them, they’ll leave, you’ll have no audience and you'll die.

I've decided that I don't want to be lukewarm. Therefore I don't want a lukewarm guy. I don't get why someone can't be honest and say what they mean. It's the excuse of not hurting someone's feelings. What-ever. It takes somebody with courage to be honest. To leave someone hanging, waiting is rude and mean. The "nice" thing to do would be to just come out with it. Guys who walk away without any notice are just poop.

Today I walked into a drugstore that had its valentine's day stuff up.

How to Make Protests More Efficient

Now before I begin I am not piggy-backing on someone else's topic. It's just coincidence. What can I say? Great people think like me.

A couple of times my work place has been on the TV news. However it has nothing to do with my work. Whenever there’s a conflict involving Israel people gather by us to protest because the embassy is located across the street on the 13th floor. I don’t know how much of an impact they have if the object of the protest is 13 stories away.Usually each faction stands on opposite sides of the street. They shout some things, cars honk and the police show up. One of these days someone could leave a basketball in the middle of the street, yell GO! and see which side can grab the ball first. The winner of this wins the protest. How about a relay? Thumb war anyone? With these suggestions they wouldn't have to stand for hours yelling at each other.

Not everyone who gathers has something to do with the protest. There are usually tagger groups who use the media coverage the large group provides to get their message across. They mix in yelling their own slogans making the whole thing confusing.

Overall, protests feel like street fairs minus the food and music. It would be better if each group set up a little booth. It would be organized. They could pass out pamphlets and attract people over with free stuff like pens or stickers. The AARP is doing a rap performance. Help free Tibet and get a balloon. Stop all wars by buying a bag of kettle corn. Yeah, that would totally make me care.

Have They Learned Nothing from China

As usual somebody decided to spoil the big event that happened last Tuesday by bringing to light a controversy. No it’s not about taking the oath. Sit down for this. The quartet did not play live. Well, in a way they did but their instruments weren't amplified.

They way this has been brought up makes it sound like the trust of the public has been broken. In a world of short attention spans sensational headlines have become a way of life. I admit I wouldn't have cared otherwise. You know some idiot out there is going to write about how we can’t trust the new administration because of this. If they’re going to deceive us about this what else are they keeping from us?

I decided to find out why they played to a prerecorded tape*. Apparently it was too cold for their instruments to stay in tune so they took a performance they had prerecorded days before and played that. I had no idea tuning was affected by temperature. If it weren’t for this I wouldn’t have learned something new. At least they didn’t have tv actors step in for the original musicians because they weren’t pretty enough.

I wonder though if this would qualify as a breach of national security. Yes, all the major players of the day were kept safe and no riots took place. But if you can’t keep something like a taped performance under wraps how are you going to deal with the big things such as fashion malfunctions, tripping over the family dog or the dreaded choking on a pretzel?

“This isn’t Milli Vanilli” – Carole Florman spokesperson for the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies.

*If you want to read the article--> http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28808317

Candy-glitter

A list of what happened this time at the Magic Kingdom.

McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches with hash browns in them.

Long car rides are great if there are plenty of snacks, tunes and great company.

Jack in the Box is shady. Despite the posters not all have shakes. They’re o’s and x’s are connected.

Almost lost an arm and a leg to an automatic door.

Foggy. Listening to fireworks is not the same as seeing them.

Random nondisney photos.

Jocelyn avoiding Kevin.

Search for the Grumpy hat.

Corn dog. Dole Whip. Ice Cream in Waffle Cone. Churros!

Observing couple conversations.

Rolling a nerf ball back and forth.

My people no longer spin plates.

Allen N. is a card shark.

Believe twice. Snow smells like soap. Lots of leg room for Fantasmic.

The tower of terror is more painful than I remembered.

There’s a drought at the boardwalk.

I like to draw Pooh (the bear) big.

Jack Skeleton shrunk.

Mary Poppins smells hecka nice.

Mickey had no time to hug. I smacked my head on Mickey’s ear. I could've taken Mickey's head off.

Humming the theme to Indy with Laurie.

Joanna broke disneyland.