Friday, December 27, 2013

One of Three, Part IV: Reception


Then it was off to the reception. I wish I could say I spent days working on my toast. In reality I was lying awake the night before the wedding trying to come up with something.

“I’ve known my sister almost three decades now. It was difficult when she and our sister showed up. I spent my first two years as an only child. Oddly enough I can only remember life with them around. It was up to me to protect them. I had to be a big sister.

When we were little we’d fight all the time. We still fight sometimes but not physically (because I can just sit on her). She can be incredibly stubborn when you argue with her but she will use that same stubbornness to stand up for the people around her or to convince you to go work out. Also, she’s a bit crazy.

I’ve seen how grown up my little sister has become. She’s found a really good guy who’s willing to put up with her. When I first met him I found him to be way too normal. He is the kind of guy you want to marry your sister. He is the first guy any of us has brought home where my dad did not have a complaint about. In fact after meeting him for the first time my dad said, “I’m a little bit worried. Your sister might scare him off”.

I didn’t know I would like having a brother until I met the guy. He’s tall enough to reach high shelves and he is thoughtful with gifts. He eats everything so we don’t have to worry about leftovers. If anything my mom makes sure we buy extra food whenever he comes over. He also stays calm and doesn’t panic which is perfect because my sister does neither of those things. No matter how awful a day my sister is having her face just lights up when he’s around.

They don’t complete each other since they’re complete individuals. But they are each other’s compliment.

So congratulations to my little sister and to her husband. I feel better as a big sister knowing that my little sister will be well taken care of. I wish you both all the happiness in the world and then some”.

At the end of the night my sister and her groom drove off in an old-timey taxi. I found myself wrapping and packing. While that was happening my sister’s polite quiet groomsman was drunk and spitting off all sorts of profanities. He even gave the wedding planner the Nazi salute.

I was relieved to be on the road heading home. After I scrubbed off my make-up, it was off to bed until the next adventure which would begin 5 hours later.

One of Three, Part III: Ceremony


It was then time to stand by for the ceremony.

I asked my groomsman to carry tissues because I had no pockets. He did and proudly showed them to me. I was able to walk down the stairs but then my groomsman tripped. We would’ve fallen to our deaths had I not sunk my heels in. I get why women wear such tall shoes now. Super cleats!

By the time the bride got down the stairs she was crying. It wasn’t a pretty cry where tears gently roll down her face. When it was time for my dad to give her away, he wouldn't let go. My other sister kept staring at the floor because she didn't want $200 dollars in make up to smear. I stared to tear-up. A large photo of the groom’s mom was on a chair in the front row. She had passed away a few years ago. The groom’s sister promised she would keep a straight face but when I looked at her she was bawling.

I signaled for the tissues but my groomsmen simply smiled at me. No you idiot the tissues! Don’t wave HI at me! Thank you for the thumbs up about my dress but I want the tissues. Gah! I knew something like this would happen so I had stuffed my bra with tissues. I would lift my bouquet up to hide what I was doing, pull a tissue out then hand it to my sisters. I made sure to switch off so I still looked even.

One of the guests remarked at how the ceremony reminded her of the wedding scene out of twighlight which is good because that’s what my sister was going for. Just like twilight we had plenty of sparkly pale-skinned people at ceremony.

One of Three, Part II: Prep


The next day we woke up to Bridezillas, the show. If we could see how nuts those people were we would try hard not be like them. We managed to pull it off. The make-up artist showed up with a suitcase full of make-up. By the time she was done I felt like I had weights attached to my eye lids. That might explain why it looks like I’m blinking in half the photos.

In the midst of getting ready we forgot about planning breakfast or lunch. Guess who had to go out in full make-up to pick up food in 80 degree weather. Since the groomsmen had driven my car to the wedding site I had to make the trek on foot. longest three blocks of my life.

After brunch, it was time for the moment of truth. Months of preparation leading up to this one pivotal moment. I was able to fit into my dress!

At the venue it was picture after picture after picture. My sister hired a photographer who did not believe in touching up or doctoring photos. There for every shot had to be perfect. My feet were not happy. My face was so tired.

One of Three, Part I: Rehearsal


My sister’s wedding has come and gone. I hadn’t given it much thought until I was with her for her final dress fitting. Maybe it was the sunscreen or the AC blasting but my eyes started to water and my sister saw and she got teary-eyed. There we were, two idiots, getting teary-eyed, over a stupid frilly white dress.

The days leading up to the big day were a blur. I went to Target five days in a row for various last minute things. We made multiple trips to the airport to pick up out of town guests.

The rehearsal almost didn’t happen because there was a traffic accident which delayed everyone except the bride and bridesmaids. My sister berated us for days about punctuality for the wedding. Ironic, since she is usually late to everything.

When we got to the site, my sister wanted us to try walking down to the ceremony area in our dress shoes. I practiced for months over carpet, tile, hard wood floor, and concrete. No one said anything about dirt. I managed the first few steps but the pastor felt we could tumble down at any moment. So the groomsmen would walk down with us.

I got matched up with the taller of the groomsmen. He was the more talkative of the two. The other barely said a word.

Rehearsal dinner was fun. One side of the wedding party stayed sober while the other was plastered. I’ll let you guess which side (hint: not mine).

When we got to the hotel we had to unpack everything. I brought like 4 pairs of shoes: driving shoes, sandals, rehearsal dinner shoes, and wedding shoes. I thought about bringing slippers too but that seemed a bit excessive for a two day thing.

Thursday, December 26, 2013



i was not asked to give a toast at my friend’s wedding which was fine because i don't like public speaking. but if i was asked this is what i would’ve said.

i first noticed jocelyn during the first week of high school. she was always around this guy i had a crush on so i saw her as my rival. the guy turned out to be so-so. jocelyn turned out to be awesome.

i got to know her through our friend ann, who is my neighbor and is also awesome. they were always together so i had no choice. one day jocelyn walks into the library looking for ann. i noticed she had a photo in the front her binder. she starts telling me about how the guy in the picture is her secret boyfriend because she’s not allowed to date and how they’ve known each other since they were in diapers and how cute she thinks he is. the whole time i’m thinking, “that’s a lot of information. ann. where are you?”.

over the years i’ve learned that jocelyn may be small and petite in stature but she has a huge personality. She’s loud. never sit in front of her. she’s not afraid to speak her mind. once, we were in a crowded convention hall and she declares out loud how bad the BO was in the room. if you’ve done something stupid she’s going to point it out.

her loudness is only overshadowed by her huge heart. with her schooling she could totally work in a lab and earn lots of money. instead she teaches science to kids. she’ll spend her own time and money in order to do this. on more than one occasion i’ve found myself with her at thrift shops and lab closures rummaging for random things to use in experiments.

she just does stuff. tell her a problem you’re having and she’ll try to fix it. no boyfriend? she will look for you. she recently suggested a 19 year old she met as a suitor for me. i’m slightly past that. need a shoulder to cry on? she’ll be the first person to tell you to get over it and she’ll tell you what a loser the guy was and how the next one will be so much better.

if jocelyn is eating something she likes she usually won’t share so when she does it’s a sign that she likes you or the food sucks. she knows what she likes and isn't afraid to make it known. if she offers crème brulee, she’s only sharing the custard part not the sugar crust. eat that and you might as well consider it your last meal.

kevin, i hope you know how lucky you are.