Dreaming Out Loud

when giving someone an extension, it's a good idea to clarify how long. otherwise, you're left open to wonder when you'll hear from them again.

i decided to read everything i ever wrote on previous sites i had. well not everything because numerous pages have been deleted by geocities. over the years i have written about the same things. i don't remember the story behind some. i also read some parts of my journal. i'm not sure how i managed to pick myself up at times. i had help.

what i find is even though i'm content at the moment i'm still wary about forming attachments. for the past few weeks i find myself growing more attached. it occupies so much of my time. I know what i want but i'm scared to want it. I wonder if it's even mine to want. i don't want to get ahead of myself only to be left disappointed. it's hard to hold your heart out there exposed and vunerable. it's taken so long to put back together because i kept tearing out the sutures.

i don't climb out of bed anymore. i jump out of it ready to see what the day holds. i can't lose this because i want it more than anything. i want it to be ok to dream again.