Smile and Nod

There are phone calls in life that you never want to get. You wonder if you did everything you could. If there was something you needed to say.

I didn't know my grandmother on my dad's side very well. She lived by herself and I usually saw her during the major family holidays. She tended to sit in a chair in the corner of the living room. I remember she liked honey-baked ham. She would always give us red envelopes when we visited. She called me big daughter (my dad says she meant eldest daughter, but I was a big child growing up). She had the biggest plastic bag paper napkin collection. It filled an entire closet. I think I get the pack rat side of me from her.

Despite our different dialects, we tried to communicate which was amusing. She would ask me a list of things and I would just smile and nod. Then she would look at me and say "You don't understand me do you? " which I would reply with a smile and frantically nod.

My favorite memory of her had to be on another sad day. It was at the funeral of my grandpa on my mom's side. When you're twelve it seems like books and tv make it such a big deal. It's like every coming of age story starts when you're twelve. I was sitting in a pew by myself crying when my grandma on my dad's side sat down next to me. As the pastor was giving his eulogy she was trying to tell me not to cry so much and things would be ok because my grandpa was in a better place. Before you knew it everyone was facing us. Turns out she was speaking so loudly no one could hear the pastor.

The last time I saw she seemed a bit more cheerful. For the past few years she had become very ill and we didn't see her much. She hadn't smiled for weeks. Not really knowing what to do I was fumbling with my cell phone. She looks at it and I show her my wallpaper. She smiled and nodded. It was a picture of a pom pom sheep I had made. My dad thought it was a cat. But my grandma got it. I bet she liked sheep too.

I'm not sure how to end this post but to say i miss you po po. I sure could use one of your napkins now.