Don’t Count Your Eggs

me: why aren’t you eating?
mom: you told me to eat slowly because it is hot.
me: ok, but you can still eat it
Mom: no. i want to eat it fast.

i went to a red egg ginger party to celebrate the birth of a new cousin. the eggs promote fertility. don’t know about the ginger. maybe it’s meant to help the marriage stay spicy despite the arrival of kids.

when i learned my cousin’s name was benjamin i was a bit peeved. i had planned on naming my hypothetical son ben riley. i know, talk about the ultimate sign of a fangirl (ben riley has ties to peter parker aka spiderman. the name is comprised of uncle ben's first name and aunt may’s maiden name). but did i really want the name because of a comic book character? so i reviewed something and was reminded that ben was the name of a hypothetical kid i made up with someone years ago.

i can't use the name because it relates back to substituting people in for plans meant for others. i don’t think the other person even remembers but i would find it weird. so ben riley won’t exist here either (did I just spoil what happens in the comics?).

there are plenty of other characters i can name hypothetical kids after. ann did bring up a valid point. it may not be such a great idea to name kids after things one loves because those kids could be brats or worse (neko girl) thereby nullifying the love one once had for the object of affection.

i could name a kid apocalypse. he’s a comic book character but he’s not one of my favorites. i can just hear him answering the phone, “hi! this is apocalypse. how’s it going?”.

Seeing Red

“i don’t want to be run over by a bus”.
“yeah i’m sure getting hit by a bus wouldn’t be good”.
“well, it’s definitely not one of my aspirations”.

in a perfect work place, people do their jobs. another department had someone leave and so hired a replacement right away because things were so hard for them (boo hoo. they have to work from 8 to 5 like the rest of us. boo hoo). however, this department is still pulling the “i don’t know how to do this you do it” or "we don't have the time" thing. not really sure why they would do that since they hired an "overqualified" person. as a result a number of things have been passed to my anemic department without my supervisor knowing.

one day that department's head asked me to do something his department handled. when i hesitated, he shrugged and said to me, “but we don’t know how. can you find out? otherwise you guys might miss your deadline”. while he left on time to go home i waited for a 100 page report to print out.

the next day my supervisor wanted to know why i was behind on so many things. i told her calmly what happened but could feel my cheeks grow hot. it made her upset. in the future i was to direct any department requests to her. i go back to my cubicle and the guy from the other day wanted me to review the 100 page report so i directed him to my supervisor. he hesitated but went and was lectured on how he should not delegate work to other departments without notifying the heads first.

later he came over to me and said my supervisor was overreacting and we should all work together. so i shrugged and said to him, "she just wants to meet the deadline." not seeing my dig, he accepted my response and walked away.

it was weird most of the day with both department heads ignoring each other. both mumbling about how the other was just being lazy. things weren't looking good. but then everyone cheered up when the higher ups announced everybody would be given a bottle of red wine. the department heads acted like nothing had happened.

so in conclusion the best way to put out a fire is to pour free booze on it.

Life Unexpected

my cousin is working on his college applications. my cousin, 10 years my junior, will be going to college soon.

10 years ago i was in the same place. a sweet-faced kid with naive notions of the world. fast forward 10 years and i still have the sweet face but cynicism has eaten away at the naive notions the same way hungry hungry hippos consume their white pellets.

my life hasn’t quite turned out the way i expected. i am 27 years old and when it comes to my love life there is none. perhaps rachel greene said it best when she said “i’m not getting married. i’m not even close”.

in jr high our teacher had us write where we would be 10 years in the future. i would get a high school sweet heart. he’d be an athlete because i wanted to borrow his jacket, the one with the team name and leather sleeves. he’d send flowers to my class or maybe a pizza because i’d get hungry in the afternoons. after we both graduated from college we would get engaged and be married two years later. we’d be working full time in well-established industries. we would have our first kid by the time i turned 28. we'd have two kids and a dog.

well, that didn’t quite happen. the closest thing to a boyfriend since college has been zq. we can't count posey either. it's not really a relationship if the other person doesn’t even know of your existence.

there's still time before i turn 28 but it's highly unlikely i will go through dating, engagement, marriage and kids in four months. yes I know it is possible to get all those things done but it would be crazier than being in a pretend relationship.

relationships take work and I don’t think I have the time. no, let me rephrase that. i haven’t met someone i’m willing to make time for and vice versa.

maybe when all my friends are married off i will feel the pressure to do the same. but for now i say to my 14 year old self all idealistic and wide-eyed, we will just have to go buy our own pizza and if you still want that kid we can adopt one from a foreign country and be just like one of them celebrities out in hollywood.

We Shipped Confetti From L.A.

because, as brian wilson would say, we’re ridiculous.

i got to watch the parade the city threw for the giants. amazing.

my BART morning commute was jam-packed. i spent about 20 minutes facing an arm pit. not my idea of a good start but i was pretty excited seeing all the black and orange on the train. people were chanting “Uribe” and “Let’s Go Giants”. the streets were lined with orange, black and white balloons with streamers. banners saying things like "world series champions" and 'congratulations giants" hung from each block. traffic was reduced to a crawl.

i spent a good hour outside the bank taking pictures for my coworkers. it was only 7 am but people were already lining up for the 11 am parade. people got dressed up in beards and panda hats. my favorite had to be the person dressed as a giant foam finger.

the streets were packed but people were so polite. one lady had two kids with her. the kids couldn’t see so a lady standing in front offered the kids her spot. when a guy realized he was blocking my view through the window he moved over so i could see. people were sharing snacks and stories about the giants like how the parade route was the same one used when the team first arrived from ny decades ago.

my boss let me stand on her desk to watch the parade if i promised to take some good pictures for her. people would cheer for whatever came down the street, buses, police, orange balloons, anybody in a beard. then the actual parade started. the players were pretty excited. aubrey huff twirled his red thong, brian wilson was swinging on the bars of the cable car, bumgarner was actually smiling but was dangerously hanging out of the cable car.

the screams of hundreds of teenage girls signaled buster posey's arrival. he looks even better in person. not really sure what swooning is but i think i might've done that. totally didn’t get a picture of him though. he was moving back and forth trying to wave to everybody. oh and i was jumping up and down which may have affected the shot a bit.

i would describe the feeling of this parade as being at disneyland, christmas time, with your friends and there are no lines.

there was just a whole lot of happy going on.

THE GIANTS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!

that's pretty much how i answered all the phone calls coming into the house last night.
me: THE GIANTS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!
dad: i know. so what's for dinner?
me: THE GIANTS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!
dad: i heard you the first time. so what did you eat?
me: THE GIANTS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!
dad: stop it. dinner?
me:....THE GIANTS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!
(i am so obnoxious sometimes).

i started writing this post back when the giants were playing the braves but was afraid to publish it. i'm kinda superstitious when it comes to this kind of stuff. don't want to jinx it. but now that they've won i can say things like "i love the giants!" and not worry about them losing the world series because of it. yes, 'cuz i think i have that much power.

back in the day i would watch their games on a regular basis. i'd be talking to ann on the phone and we'd both have the game on. it was pretty fun because she would have a 5 second delay so when she heard my reaction she'd go "WHAT?! oh".

the team seemed unstoppable but then the 2002 world series happened and the happy went away. just thinking about it would hurt. i didn't stop cheering for them but it was hard. they lost in seven games despite leading the series, jeff kent went to the dodgers (i hate them) and the whole barry bonds steroid thing was upsetting.

fast forward to this year and i would sometimes glance over the sports page to see if there were any giant players i still recognized. the team had a freak and a kung-fu panda (say what?). despite it being called a rebuilding year the team wasn't doing too bad. i read an article from columnist glen dicky about how molina should pass the torch and a buster posey should be called up. With the image of an animated blue rabbit (tiny toons) wearing a giants uniform dancing in a field of...posies i wondered if this would happen. would they replace a seasoned vet with a rookie?

i was at a bbq and a game was on. i kept staring at the catcher's outfit because it looked really crazy to me. then the guy lifts the mask off and before i knew it i found myself grasping kim's(woo)arm and asking, "who is that?".

flash forward a few months and i would find myself sitting in front of the tv forgetting to breathe with my hand covering my eyes. it's crazy really, jocelyn and i agreeing on the cuteness that is buster posey. oh and the fact the team was doing so well despite the critics is even better. take that haters! i really like this team. it's drama-free.

after ann and i watched brian wilson make the final pitch i found myself screaming. who knew seeing a bunch of grown men jumping up and down could bring so much joy? the heartbreak is over. it's time to party in the streets the sf way by using an iphone app to see where the party at.

it's been really fun watching this series especially when i have ann on the phone during the games and she's still getting the 5 second delay. aww, good times.

the giants won the world series. they're the 2010 world series champions. hella awesome.

don't be surprised if i randomly hug you these next few days. just don't get use to it.

"this is great. there's no barry bonds. there's no steroids. this team is legit". - giants fan

Trapped in An Infomercial

i was with allen in a mall on monday night looking for jeans and shoes when we found ourselves in the grip of a very aggressive saleswoman. next time i will think twice before i accept a free sample. i’m not sure why we were singled out. i wasn't screaming MONEY. i was in my work clothes and looked as though i got dressed in the dark because i got dressed in the dark (monday mornings are hard). we went through the normal what’s your name, where are you from, are you guys together together thing. then i found my hands coated in sugar and being commanded to rub them together. when I tried to escape she wouldn't let us go.

her nice approached then turned into the attack physical appearance approach. she hands me a mirror and tells me to look at myself as she points out all my skin’s trouble areas. does she not think i own a mirror or am exposed to shiny surfaces? i know my skin is gross because I am lazy. the face wash i have at home works just fine if only i’d take the time to use it. besides i live in an asian household. there isn't much in the way of criticizm that can faze me at this point.

eventually she let us go and was not happy about it. she spent 45 minutes with us and couldn’t get us to buy a thing. i think i could’ve escaped earlier but allen was so polite he could’ve been eaten. now i don’t mean the same way i want to eat buster posey up with a spoon(buster posey is so adorable. kawai. ok focus). i mean some people take advantage of the overly nice.

the saleswoman shouldn't feel bad about not making a sale. there was no way i was going to drop $50 on jars of hand sugar and face butter. i’m asian with a sprinkling of jew. good luck with getting me to loosen my purse strings.

Good-bye jenblue

i always thought we’d have forever but alas this is not so. in a world of ADD and limited space jenblue has been denied immortality.

yahoo closed geocities so all my posts before May 2008 are gone. I didn’t realize this until someone asked me to find an old link to another page. When I looked I learned it was all gone. 6.5 years of emo down the drain.

i thought my thoughts would float around in cyberspace forever. generations to come would read them and the world would be a better place. remember the squirrel ramen post? how about the anti-Sprint one? remember the bubble post? what a tragedy! So good-bye jenblue versions I-III, good-bye we don't know what we are doing, good-bye meet joanne, good-bye laurie's page.

it could've been much worse. we should all be grateful i got over my stubbornness and got a blog or else everything would be gone. perhaps i should have everything transferred to facebook since i heard they keep users's data forever. you know so they can steal...share your ideas.

i'll miss you jenblue (of geocities).

Resident Evil: The College Edition

growing up my parents would stress the importance of a good education. i remember being sick and my mom would tell me to get well soon so i wouldn't fall too far behind. yes because missing out on the proper way to use glue and macaroni would lead me to failure later in life.

the importance of school has not been lost on me even to this day. i had a dream i was back in the same ivy league college from the last dream and well the zombie apocalypse was upon us. i managed to lead a group to safety. there was running around, ducking under tables and i killed a zombie with a dry erase marker. yes, i am that skilled. i was annoyed the whole time because i was in a review session and the zombies would not leave us alone.

the next day classes continued. i was taking advanced calculus and so was jocelyn. asked why she was there she said for fun -_-. on campus they were cleaning up the mess the zombies left behind. zombies are pretty messy.

when i got to english class the assignment was to write about what we did during the zombie apocalypse. ann said she missed the whole thing because she was stuck in line at the cafeteria. they were selling corn dogs filled with hot dogs wrapped in bacon.

i think i love dream college.

That Is Coco, Former Cat Killer

i loved field trips growing up. a break from the everyday routine was nice. wasn't much of a fan of theme parks because my grandmother said the rides could stop my heart. good thing my parents told me my heart wasn't so fragile. i just wish they didn't wait until i was 18 to do so.

work has left it up to me to do software installs on site for customers. so i get to go on field trips. here are some highlights:
- traffic
- heat wave
- "do the install quickly, we are in a bad neighborhood"
- being in an scene worthy of Hoarders
- chinese desktop. "even if i were to remotely connect to the computer we can't help much. we're from montana....we're all white"
- fish farm
- best way to reform a cat-killing dog is to acquaint him with a kitten
- seeing a $11,000 figurine. there's only 3 in the U.S.
- "that install went well. it only took 7 friggin' times"

yay field trips.

How Many Bankers Does It Take

I work in an office with about 20 people. Individuals usually serve more than one function. For example, the accounting guy is also the supply guy. The loan document lady is also the party planner. I do a bit of everything.

But not all serve multiple functions. Some just observe. The copier was low on toner. Instead of just replacing it E notifies D (who was on her daily walk around the bank). P happened to walk by and they tell him what happened. J is about to go make a copy when I tell her that E, D, and P are working on it. Then G comes over and says she overheard the copier is broken. J, G and I (me) stand and watch from the lobby. Then M comes and watches with us. Meanwhile P is opening boxes trying to fit the toners in. D gets bored and joins us in the lobby. E crosses her arms and watches P. I ask P how I can help but E tells me she and P are working on it. Then C joins E in watching P. Eventually P finishes and everyone goes back to work but not before they all pat themselves on the back for changing the toner.

Next time I will tell you about what happens when we run out of tea in the lunchroom.

Back to School

i had a dream where i was going to college at some preppy ivy league school. the red brick buildings had ivy growing all over (that's why they're called ivy league. No seriously).

laurie's sister gave me a ride to school because it had snowed. i was bundled up in my burgundy with gold trimmed uniform. i climbed up a narrow staircase to english class to find one of my classmates sitting on the floor with his legs blocking the entrance to the classroom. i stepped over them and noticed that he looked just like zq. but there was no time to make sure since the class was about to start. the topic was on how bubbles could compose poems.

the prof said we had a special transfer student and started to hum the theme to the original star trek series. he then placed his hand on the shoulder of zq look-a-like and i realized he was the real mccoy. this one girl went right up to him and asked how it was working with william shatner. i rolled my eyes because shatner didn't work on the new film. ann was sitting next to me and suggested i go say hi too. i froze.

after class, christina showed up to give me a reading for my engineering class. it was about how robots would be able to save the economy if humans were eliminated. zq was talking to the prof. christina said it was my dream come true since i thought he was hot. i look over and zq heard her. i quickly left.

later in the day i get to the parking lot and bonnie was there. apparently someone had parked the most azianest rice rocket behind her car. she then pointed out the sticker decal, zq productions. she then took a picture of me next to the car pointing to the decal, grinning. we got into her car and i saw zq was in his car. he had seen us take the picture. i sank down in my seat.

as we drove off in bonnie's hover car, he waved at us, grinning. then there was this loud beeping i thought was a car alarm but it was nothing more than my alarm clock.

crazy dream. me in burgundy? puh-leeze.

Sorry Uncle Ben

I am a klutz. I am sometimes surprised at how klutzy I can be. I am smart enough to know when a klutzy moment will happen but somehow manage to still end up in the klutzy moment.

I usually pour out extra water from my cup at the end of the work day. One day I decided to not pour the water out. Before I left my cubicle I got an sense it was an accident waiting to happen. The image of water all over my desk appeared before my eyes. But I would remember so it would be fine. The next day I got to work and I placed my bag down right on top of the cup. Out of my entire desk I happen to place my bag in the same corner where the cup was. Water was all over my desk and I happened to have just printed a 96 page manual and that’s now soaked along with my stapler, hole puncher and a $1,000 check scanner. The carpet wasn’t spared either. The worse part of it was I forgot I had left the cup there. I stood there annoyed until finally the events from the day before flashed before my eyes.

What is the point of super powers if I ignore them?

Get Your Head In the Game

I have no game when it comes to dating.

As I have mentioned before when it comes to meeting prospects I can't do it in front of an audience. There's too much pressure. Today was my chance for redemption. There was a guy I saw last year during a church outing to a baseball game. I was trying to think of something to say or even a reason to say something to him but nothing came. So I didn't even go over to say hi.

But I heard this year he would be at the game again. I was not going to let the moment pass. I came up with a number of openers in my head.

"I didn't talk to you last year because I was nervous but I want to so yeah".

"You're just my type, half white and half Asian. White enough so you're tall but Asian enough so you'll age gracefully."

"I think you're cute."

I saw him again and I felt my heart drop a little. A lady from church had even prepped me for the meet. This was the second chance I was waiting for but no it went more like "it's nice to meet you". handshake and that was it. I was too nervous. How I wish I had practiced or maybe taken a drink before trying to talk to him. Oh and it didn't help that his mom was right there watching our exchange. Oh, and there was her husband, the lady who prepped me and the pastor watching as well. I gave an awkward smile after the hand shake and then walked away.

I'm disappointed in myself. it's not that he was my soul mate or anything like that. but this was my second chance to say something to this guy and nothing, NOTHING! I walked away. I turned around and walked away from the guy I was beating myself over because I didn't talk to him last year. Fate does not drop single guys I find interesting in my lap very often. But there he was a second time and what happened? I choked. Not even a shot attempt at the buzzer. Fail.

If I had ice cream at my house I would totally eat a gallon of it right now.

BC 3

After a two week hiatus from my trench I thought it was finally safe. But then but then....the horror.

Within moments my ankles became inflamed. White and red welts began to protrude out. Then there was the itching and the swelling. By Friday afternoon I was limping everywhere with my skin on fire. My skin lobster red and pulsing. Each time my sock rubbed against my skin it was agony.

I found some relief in sandals Friday night but then on Saturday came the hurt.

I hopped out of bed (since my bed it three mattress high) and my ankles exploded. I shifted to one only to find the other had betrayed me. Hobbling, I managed to utter the words, "crutches" to my dad before I collapsed on the nearest chair.

The weekend was spent trapped inside the house sitting, icing, grimacing and hopping around. I now sit here at home on a Monday with my right ankle bruised. The left looks like a swollen dumpling, a maroon and red dumpling not surrounded by a warm delicious broth.

I curse the enemy. A pox! A pox I say.

Dear Hair

i am sorry.

i put convenience above you and now look what has happened.

i spoke in chinese and instead of a trim you became a short cut.

i should have not forced one side of you to comply with the other.

i know it hurts you when others see and turn away in horror.

I know it confused you when so and so said "i didn't recognize you in that cut because it makes you look japanese".

i know it's not funny when we wake up in the morning and you look as though you've exploded.

i know it burns when i use the straightener.

if it makes you feel better we can be two-face for halloween. one side can be cutesy bob and the other can simulate wind blowing through it. you'll look really cool.

in a few weeks you'll grow back to your former glory. it'll be ok.

oh i forgot, the wedding we'll be in 2 weeks from now. many will see what i have done to you.

dear hair,

i am sorry.

BC 2

For a few weeks we got a bit of a break. Except for the occasional attack in the outskirts it looked as though we were finally winning the war. Their numbers seemed to be dwindling. Deaths were no longer a daily occurence.

People could once again wear skirts and short sleeves to work. No more inhalling of chemicals. No more having their blood (our blood technically) on our hands. No more flinching every time something flew by.

Then came the campaign to clean up. The carpets were in need of a wash. It seemed like a good idea at the time. We had taken out the enemy and it was time to rebuild.

As we moved away the boxes we discovered where the enemy had lay dormant. Before we knew it they came at all sides. The weeks of inactivity had made us soft. Our enemies had been regroup and were attacking once again as hungry as ever.

Once again we find ourselves armed with bug repellant, long sleeves and paranoia. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Their corpses lay strewn on walls, computer monitors, wrapped up in tissues. We'll look back someday and ask ourselves how we could've let this happen.

I miss the days of not being eaten alive by bugs.

It's a Love Story

We are bombarded with images and messages of what a romantic loving act should look like. They can range from the dramatic like eliminating those responsible for loved one's death (i'm looking at you jack bauer. oh crap i forgot *spoiler alert*. that should go in the front of the spoiler huh? oh well). to the cheesy like giving someone a puppy. (Has any one ever looked at what the puppy has left behind once it is released from its box? How would you react if you were stored in a box in the dark while all around you is the sound of paper tearing and people squealing? Yeah ain’t so cute of an image now is it?) The current trend seems to be engagements and weddings. The ultimate sign of affection seems to be the image of a gal with a sparkly ring on her finger for the rest of her life. This is not a knock on the institution and ceremony surrounding marriage only an observation. Pitchforks down.

Basically, I want to highlight how a little mistake can turn into an opportunity to show what it means to love somebody in a low-key way. The names of the parties weren’t included in order to protect their identities.

I was out with some people when my friend was on his way to get rid of us…I mean drop us off when he gets a call. His wife had left her car keys in the car. He had been working all day and had more work in the morning. I knew he was tired since he even passed on watching the Tony awards. It’s 10 o’clock at night and she’s located about an hour away. He tells us he must go home first to get the spare keys. Meanwhile she tells him that people are trying to help her get her car door open and he might not have to drive over. So he stands for a second thinking and decides to make the drive anyway. I’m dropped off first since work in the morning. I could tell how concerned he was for his wife since he didn’t even wait for me to find my keys and open the door. Lone minority female about to enter her house on a cold dark foggy night totally screams first kill in a slasher-horror flick does it not? Luckily yours truly was not killed and lived to tell you this story.

i don't know how it ended. i'll assume they lived happily ever after as long as he didn’t cave in and let one of his buzzed friends drive the car on the return trip.

May Showers Bring Scams

i got an anonymous comment regarding the "April Showers Bring May Showers" post. i was feeling trigger happy and deleted it before i could save it. oh the perils of ADD.

it said i won a $10k reward in the cynicism category for a blog contest. finally! My being cynical and writing about it has paid off. Tell your kids to drop out of school and start blogging because emo pays big bucks. if i keep at it i'll be able to quit my day job and buy a house on main street located in disneyland where every morning I'll have the pleasure of watching mickey grimace as i eat pancakes in the shape of his face. muhahahahaha!

but to claim my $10k cash prize i had to send in a $150 late entry fee to an address in nigeria. could they not tell by my many posts that i'm a suspicious and paranoid person? oh and I'm cheap. if I'm going to hesitate buying a large action figure of a certain actor depicting a certain vulcan why would i mail monies to some random blog group in nigeria ???!!! we're talking about $150 and a good amount of postage here. by they time they convert my check to Nigerian funds they'll be hardly any money left what with the collection fees and all. so really by me not sending in the money we're saving both sides time, effort and money. also, i didn't even enter into this contest. it's not fair to the good people who actually submitted an entry on time. how could I a champion advocate for following the rules make an exception for myself? I wouldn't feel right about this.

oh and that figure i bought is not coming out of the box 'cuz I don't want some barbie floozy getting her hands on him. she can go get herself that Jacob doll (which is completely shameless. the doll is sold shirtless and is the same price as an edward doll which comes fully clothed).

April Showers Bring May Showers

Is it normal to have so many rainy days in a year? Does this have something to do with the world ending in 2012? I'm so over rain right now. I’m over a number of other things too.

Every so often a gal from my middle school will organize a get together to catch up. It’s been 13 years since I’ve seen some of these people. I haven’t been to a single one of these get togethers because I don’t care. Back in the day these were the popular kids all us nonpopular ones would try to impress. I can't help but to think these get togethers are just ways for them to relive their past glory. If one really cared so much about me why not just call me? If your purpose is to get us all together so we can compare who has a better life and who ended up a loser no thanks. But if you want to talk you have my number.

Work and I will never be BFF’s. I don’t understand having a policy that rewards those who break it and punish those who follow it. The notion of seniority is a bunch of BS. Thanks to seniority my approved vacation (which I booked 6 months in advance instead of the standard 2 weeks because I wanted to give work time to prepare) has been cut in half. If that weren’t bad enough upper management had the nerve to say to me, “I know it’s not fair but I have no choice”. There is always a choice like telling the other person, “You messed up. You live with the consequences.” or admitting “Yeah, you have to work that day because we’re short qualified people because we don’t hire qualified people”. Don’t give me crap about how I lost my slot because I have less seniority. Now I will have to go rearrange my schedule because seniority dictates I get last pick even though I followed policy in a timely matter.

I was talking to one customer this morning and she was dealing with all sorts of crazies in her life. Towards the end of the conversation we came to the conclusion that all the crazies in the world aren't worth the time.

Instead I will live for the happy moments and prepare for when the end comes. Hopefully, it won't be in the form of water because it'll mess with my hair. It's actually behaving itself for once.

Battlefield Cubicle

All I know is I didn’t ask for this. But I will defeat them. I’ve lost count of how many I’ve taken down these past few weeks. They say the first kill is the hardest but there have been so many that after awhile they all look the same.

This reminds me of the summer of ’08 invasion. The enemy never attacked us directly. But they went after the food supply. It got to a point where we had to take the fight to them. So many fell from the sky. Their corpses littered the ground. They dead empty eyes staring at you.

This new enemy is much more aggressive. Sometimes we only have seconds to react. Often by the time we realize they’re there it’s too late. We find ourselves covered in battle wounds but we persist. There is no reasoning with them. Their thirst for our blood is unquenchable.

Our methods are barbaric at best. If they’re lucky death is instant. Otherwise they’re left to twitch until the last breath is drawn from them. More come seemingly more desperate than those who have come before them.

At times I almost pity them. Such moments of weakness can’t be allowed on the battlefield. I will persist.

No mosquito is going to get a free meal out of me and live to talk about it.

You Had Me At….Nope

A lady at church tells me she knows someone I can date but I would have to fight it out with the Woos. Normally, another woman at church will enthusiastically suggest people for me to meet. I guess word is getting out I'm single. Luckily there was an audience to make things less embarrassing. Her husband pointed out how it was really a flirt to convert. We worked it out and the plan is for this professional athlete to be kim’s date at laurie’s wedding because her entire family will be there for him to meet. One daughter getting married means the siblings have marriage potential. The parents are 49ner fans. So I will sacrifice my chance at happiness and put kim’s ahead of my own.

Later as I was learning to play the bass, the regular matchmaker wants me to hurry outside. She tells me a guy drove up to get his convertible washed (The kids were raising money for camp). I continued strumming. I wasn’t rushing out. First of all, I was learning a song. Second, a bass is heavy, can’t just run with it. Well, I could but since it was plugged into the amp and I was sitting on a stool behind a wall of microphone stands I thought rushing would be bad. Third it was a hot day. Fourth, convertibles mess with my hair. Lastly, the image of a single gal rushing out of church to meet a guy isn’t the first impression I’m going for. Some might see it as desperation (I’m not there yet).

I slowly made my way but before I got outside I learned he had a girlfriend. The matchmaker says it’s not serious because he said it wasn’t. The guy donated $5. He actually only had $3 and asked his non-serious girlfriend for $2. I only saw his car. It was one of those tiny yellow two seater convertibles. I might’ve been interested if it came with one of those little toy dogs complete with Burberry travel case. I mean what girl doesn’t want a guy who will hold her purse and her dog as they look for cheap child labor in his tiny yellow convertible?

In some twisted way I appreciate that people consider me good enough to date strangers whether they be professional athletes or guys who drive-by in tiny bright colored cars.

It’s Not You It’s Me (No It’s You)

On my way to work a guy standing by the BART exit waived his flier and announced “Beware of Criminals with mind-controlling abilities. These individuals are out there and can target anyone”. The guy was serious. If I wasn’t half asleep I maybe would’ve asked to see the flyer. It did keep me vigilant and imagine anyone with a hood as a criminal. This pretty much meant everyone what with the rain and all.

Shouldn’t I be wary of all criminals not just the mind controlling ones? How about criminals with other types powers such as invisibility or a certain sociopath who will on occasion abuse his telekinesis.

Speaking of such, I was online today and one of the headlines was about ZQ. What are the chances the same day I’m being warned about super villains my favorite one comes up in an article? But I didn’t get through half the article when it dawned on me, “I’m over it”. On screen he’s nice to look at but off he’s a turn off in real life. Not a fan of the large cartoonish glasses he wears in public. We don’t have anything in common. We don’t run in any of the same circles.

So I guess I'm breaking up with my imaginary celebrity boyfriend, my tall easy on the eyes imaginary boyfriend....

Legends at Medium

Editor's note: Three posts in one day may seem like much but to be fair I didn't post in the month of March. You could say there was a March Absence (get it? Absence, Madness. That sounded clever in my head). I just plum forgot to publish.

I’m mad at Rock band but I’ll get over it. I wish I could say knowing we got through it was enough but no. 8 hours on a Saturday night gone for an image of a horse and an upgrade you can barely even see is lame. Not even a new instrument like a Rhine stone studded microphone appeared.

The 84 song set list was challenging. The rotation for most of the set kept things fun. I learned what some of the songs actually mean. My throat was sore for days after. Some songs don’t have human vocals. Growling is not a vocal. I can play medium guitar now. Drums are still better played as bongos because I can’t get my hands and feet to work together.

We started off with such gusto but towards the end the life bars were flashing red because we were half asleep. A few times I caught glimpses of us with our eyes closed and bodies slumped (my eyes weren't closed when i caught these glimpses. they happened when my eyes were opened). If possible I would’ve finished the set lying down.

But it’s been a while since my friends and I have spent hours working on something. It’s nice being silly for a few hours and knowing we’re not actually practicing to become a real band.

As soon as we play again I am buying 11 stuff. $50,000 in 8 hours ain't bad.

Brave New World

This is the title for the new Heroes chapter but the show is probably dead, no longer able to regenerate itself for another season.

Spoiler Alert (How long do you have to keep information under wraps until it won’t be a spoiler anymore? By now everybody knows how Harry Potter ends right?). I didn’t watch right when the show premiered even though Jesse from Gilmore Girls was on it (Jesse and Rory should’ve ended up together. I’m glad the show didn’t end with her and Logan together. I really wish Veronica Mars had ended with her and Logan together. I liked that Logan. I still don’t have season 3 because I’m still mad about the cancellation). Then they had this marathon on a Saturday night and I couldn’t wait for each new episode. Then it got lazy and we have what we have now.

Sylar became a hero. He went from being interesting to emo to happy-feely. I preferred the serial killer who lurked in the shadows. I loved Sylar screen time because it meant ZQ screen time. I will miss seeing you on a weekly basis in the fall season but even your prettiness couldn’t save this disaster of a show.

The cancellation isn’t official yet but we all know this is it unless something weird happens (it is NBC after all). The show is bad and expensive to keep around. It ended as a cliffhanger in an attempt to keep itself alive but I’m ok with it ending as is.

After I get the final season on DVD it’ll be over (This has made me rethink owing any more DVDs of shows that aren’t done yet).

Bye-bye Heroes

College Avenue

One side effect to a good memory is remembering the emotions tied to those memories. Over time as the memory fades so do the feelings. But with a good memory it makes this harder.

If gouging my eyes out could remove the memory it would be rather tempting especially if every time a new set would grow in. I would keep all my eyes in a jar on the coffee table. It would be better than one of those coffee table books. “You see this pair here? I took those out because I saw….”. Wait, but if I remember the event with my eyes taken out it defeats the purpose of having them removed in the first place.

One of my favorite parts of college has nothing to do with school. It was having roommates.

Initially everyone had warned against living with people you were already bff’s with because people end up not being friends afterwards. Strangers weren’t good ‘cause it be harder to find them later on if you know there was a crime committed. I found people in the middle of these two spectrums and it turned out well.

My favorite part about roommates were the conversations we’d have about whatever. Some of the best conversations happened as we drifted off to sleep. You’re not really sure what you’re saying except somebody was listening and they were probably too tired to remember what you said but it was still nice.

It's been years since college and I still keep in contact with my roommates. But we're in different places now and it's not the same as before. But I do look back with fondness.

I suddenly have a craving for ramen.

Lack of Common Sense = Monies

Two-inch LEGO gun gets 4th-grader in trouble

I love the picture. If this was made to scale, I’m sure our streets would be much safer with our officers carrying such weapons.

Growing up I remember much more destructive items my school let pass.
1. Candy cigarettes
2. Syringe lead pencils
3. Beebe guns
4. Sling shots
5. Pocket knives

But there were a few things my school banned which made no sense
1. Koosh balls
2. foot balls
3. jump ropes
4. Colored chalk

I kinda get now why my generation is fat, addicted, and violent

Serial Killer Tendencies--> Monogamy

I read this article on a scientific study about what TV preferences say about a person and behold the answer to why a gal like me is still without her guy.

Fantasy and sci-fi watchers have trouble facing reality. There is room for imagination and the relationship can be fun. But because the person's grip with reality is weak they have trouble going to the next level. The relationship tends to be short-term. People who like crime dramas are ready and can be long-term.

I can't believe someone who watches drama has more dating potential than I do. So someone who likes a show like CSI makes a better partner than I who watch Fringe. This is terrible. To be in a good relationship one has to like watching people in suits solving murders committed by people but not like watching people in suits solving murders committed by science experiments.

According to this chinese zodiac dinner mat that i read during lunch I'm compatible with Sheep and Rabbits. Snakes and I conflict. You know who's a snake? ZQ. Sheep are four years older and rabbits are 8 years older. So my dating age should be 4 or 8 years. My parents are perfect matches based on their zodiac signs.

Dang, I came this close to being set up with someone 8 years older. I would think someone that age would have their life together already. Most likely he'd be working a steady job, is looking to settle down and finding the perfect gal to start a family with. Yes, that is totally my scene....

You win this round science. Long live Plutonic Day!

Dear Heroes,

I've been a fan of the show for quite some time now for better or worse.

Most of the shows I’ve watched over the years have been cancelled due to low ratings. These were often brilliant shows that weren’t given a chance to really gain momentum. I was pretty excited with season 1 of your show and felt it had some staying power. Each week I looked forward to what would happen next.

This is no longer the case. I’ve heard of the sophomore slump but it’s been almost 4 years since the first season and now it is painful to watch. Nothing has really changed with the characters. I like Sylar but despite how pretty he is the character has become more annoying than intriguing.

So I’ve compiled a list of what I think will fix the show:
1. More death and destruction. How about a smoke monster or a kooky island or a Ben Linus to stir things up?
2. Kill off the entire cast. Seriously, it’s been 4.5 seasons of the same thing.
3. Stop bringing back Sylar from the dead.
4. Stop pairing Sylar with the blond petite daughters of the men he’s killed and/or are almost related to.
5. Give Peter a haircut.
6. Bring back Brian Fueller.
7. Plots should make sense and be complete. If Hiro went back in time and told Sylar what was going to happen why would Sylar not change any of his behaviors these past seasons and yet is now troubled by what Hiro told him? What happened to the gal Peter met in Ireland?
8. No more 2 minute recaps and additional recaps during the show. We don’t all suffer from ADD.
9. Bring back Elle Bishop. I know bringing her back would mess with point number 7 but what’s one more inaccurate thing going to do?
10. Have the Haitian wipe away all the seasons that came after 1.

I’m not a writer and I have no idea what it takes to produce a show but I know when a show is bad. I don’t have to watch but I choose to because it's not too late to regain some of that past glory. You saved the cheerleader in season 1. It’s now time to save the show or at least go out in a huge nuclear explosion to put me out of my misery.

Thank you for your time.

P.S. Please stop messing up Zachary Quinto’s face. That's just wrong.