Alone + Sad = X_X (sooner)

i declined a second meeting with the nephew of my aunt's friend. a couple of months ago my aunt, her friend, her friend's nephew, his cousin and i had dinner together. it was obvious neither of us was interested in the other. we were both armed with super soakers ready to put out any sparks coming from the other side.

my aunt decided to try again. she calls me to convince me to join them for another dinner. i politely declined. but she then went to my mom. my mom said i should give the guy another try. i say to her, "i don't blame aunite's friend for wanting this to work out since i'm so wonderful. but you can't force this kinda stuff. besides, if i never get married i can live with you forever." before she can come up with a response i hop out the door into the fog.

just as i had finished patting myself on the back for not settling i read this:
Single People May Die Younger, New Study Finds

>_<'

not all hope is lost though. ann brought up another study that shows happy people live longer. so if one is a happy single it's possible to live the same amount of time as a married person. early death is more likely if you're single and depressed. we don't know anyone like that so there's no need to....oh wait.

>_<'

Road Kill 101

rookie: what’s a possum?
me: it’s an animal with a long nose, about as big as a cat, hangs in trees. why?
rookie: a customer said she found one dead in her pool.
me: (shows her a picture) this is what it looks like.
rookie: it’s ugly. it looks like a mouse. what does it eat?
me: not really sure. i think they go through people’s garbage like raccoons.
rookie: what’s a raccoon?
me: (shows her a picture).
rookie: that's cute.
me: yeah, but it can have rabies so don’t touch it if you see one.
rookie: when you’re driving on the freeway and you see dead animals are they possums?
me: sometimes. they can also be raccoons and skunks.
rookie: what’s a skunk?
me: (this child needs to visit a zoo or watch bambi) (shows her a picture). if you see one don’t get too close. it could spray you. the spray smells really bad.
rookie: interesting. what other animals are dead on the freeway?
me: deer. cats, sometimes birds.
rookie: people hit birds?
me: my dad did once. it left a grease stain on the windshield.
rookie: in china we don’t see dead animals on the road.
me: that’s because people in china eat everything.

Ah Cucharacha!

one of my coworkers was talking to me when another coworker comes over and says something in chinese. immediately the one who had been talking to me freaks out and looks like she's going to run for the hills. i look over in the direction of the terror expecting to see some paranormal activity, flood, or even a rat but no. it was a cochroach. seriously?

she's lived in china, worked in a chinese restaraunt and has lived in the City for years now. cochroaches are still scary to her? granted the one in the office was the size of a large paper clip. but it was just minding its own business. plus the ones in china are larger and they play dead. at this one hotel the thing was lying on its back and the moment it thought no one was watching it flipped over and scampered away.

as my two coworkers held onto each other for dear life i offered to go catch the thing but i couldn't get past them. they flag down a guy coworker who steps on it. i suggested he flush it down the toilet in case it knows how to play dead but he says he's killed it.

does he not know that cochroaches have survived things which have taken down dinosaurs? a simple shoe is not going to be enough.

i have this awful feeling it's going to want retribution later on.

The S Wedding

Saturday through Sunday I was gone.
Suddenly after the break of dawn.
Smokey was the air.
Sunburnt because of the sun's bright stare.
Smiley was my cousin all day.
Splendid were the vows hip hip hurray.
Saltier than the sea was the chicken.
Summer was the blessed season.
Screaming speech of guests due to the insane amounts of alcohols.
Sixty minutes the length of the bride's father's speech was all.
Solo still but thanks for asking.
Sad because we left before the dancing.
Snoring was my family.
Seething due to sleep depravity.
Sorry for the accident on 101.
Screwed over because i missed posey and the baseball fun.

Waking Up to the Smell of Burnt Toast

the wiring in my work’s break room is bad. in one power strip we have plugged in a microwave, water dispenser, toaster oven, coffee grinder and coffee maker. the power strip is constantly flickering. two of the remaining walls each have a large fridge plugged in. at any given time the whole room can crash. we can’t have the microwave and the toaster oven going at the same time otherwise the circut breaker breaks and it means cold meals for all.

the toaster oven may be the most used but the most neglected appliance up in there. it’s tiny. it hasn’t been cleaned ever. if it weren’t for the extreme temperatures some sort of life would be breeding in there by now.

also, if we don’t keep an eye on it, it’ll magically turn food into charcoal. one day a 2 minute toast is fine. the next day, briquettes anyone? if burning your food isn’t bad enough, the smell spreads throughout the entire office. so everyone knows your bagel’s now toast (bad joke bad). we end up with fans running all day so the smell doesn’t get to the lobby. the smell of burning bread is not an image we want to project to our clients. not unless we're selling campires, bbq, or some sort of trash buring service.

oddly though, no matter how strong the smell gets or how smokey the room becomes the fire alarm never sounds...i'm so glad i sit steps away from the lobby doors.