A is for .....

At work our IT stuff is outsourced. One guy who I'll call AV was the most dependable. More time was spent joking around than actually fixing problems. A few months ago we were assigned a brand new team. No more AV. My supervisors flew out to meet them. Shortly after, AV emailed to say “hi” and said I was his favorite because it never felt like work. Aww, he’s my favorite too. But we’ll never talk again.

then a friend who i haven't heard from drops a line, things are going ok but he's now off on a trail for a couple of months.

another announced he was getting married. to know you still matter even after no contact for months means something. i started to imagine what life would be like to have him around again. Then I learned he'll be moving across country soon after the
wedding.

at work one of my coworkers resigned and left the same day. we were in different dept but she was one of the first people to really welcome me to the other branch. we'd have lunch and she'd talk to me about the dangers of processed foods. i walked past her empty cubicle a few times today. I tried not to linger.

the best way i can explain is like this. it's like learning to skate. i cling to the wall and slowly i drag myself along until i start to slide. then i advance to where i'll trust you and take your hand. then you let go and wait in the middle of the rink. i follow you out but by the time i get there you're gone. i find myself alone not sure of where to go next. so i find myself crawling back to the wall and i start all over again.

i get that some connections are consistent. some are not.

I have different expectations, different levels for different people. But it's always hard when the expectations you have for someone don't match theirs especially when you want more than what they're willing/can give.

don't get me wrong, i appreciate those who are still here and those who are returning. but i sometimes wonder not if they'll leave but when. everyone is growing up.

whenever i get comfortable or attached things have to change. quite often it means separation. maybe these are suppose to be reminders that this is all temporary and someday we'll have to leave it all behind.

i get it ok? enough already of this life lesson.

For the record, adam levine looks nothing like ZQ, not even close.