Trapped in An Infomercial

i was with allen in a mall on monday night looking for jeans and shoes when we found ourselves in the grip of a very aggressive saleswoman. next time i will think twice before i accept a free sample. i’m not sure why we were singled out. i wasn't screaming MONEY. i was in my work clothes and looked as though i got dressed in the dark because i got dressed in the dark (monday mornings are hard). we went through the normal what’s your name, where are you from, are you guys together together thing. then i found my hands coated in sugar and being commanded to rub them together. when I tried to escape she wouldn't let us go.

her nice approached then turned into the attack physical appearance approach. she hands me a mirror and tells me to look at myself as she points out all my skin’s trouble areas. does she not think i own a mirror or am exposed to shiny surfaces? i know my skin is gross because I am lazy. the face wash i have at home works just fine if only i’d take the time to use it. besides i live in an asian household. there isn't much in the way of criticizm that can faze me at this point.

eventually she let us go and was not happy about it. she spent 45 minutes with us and couldn’t get us to buy a thing. i think i could’ve escaped earlier but allen was so polite he could’ve been eaten. now i don’t mean the same way i want to eat buster posey up with a spoon(buster posey is so adorable. kawai. ok focus). i mean some people take advantage of the overly nice.

the saleswoman shouldn't feel bad about not making a sale. there was no way i was going to drop $50 on jars of hand sugar and face butter. i’m asian with a sprinkling of jew. good luck with getting me to loosen my purse strings.