Stage Fright

I will never become an actor (and I no longer want to date one).

i can be bold at times, bolder than i would expect. But I cannot perform in front of a live audience. I can't be bold when those around me expect to see it.

Last sunday there was a new guy at church. jocelyn tactfully suggested for me to go say hi. i had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. i have more standards besides just male and single. but it didn't hurt to say hi so i made my way over. i couldn't get there. my magnetic personality drew all these people to me and i had to say hi. he was talking to someone and this one gal pushed past me to talk to him. i go back to my seat relieved divine intervention..intervened.

after church i was pulled out to meet him. i was too embarrassed to blush (the blood vessels in my checks were too embarrassed to be seen with me). we said hi.

then it was off to westlake and new guy ends up there with because he knew this other guy and his wife who knew us. later, we went to trader joe's where lemons are sold by the tree. we spoke.

i decided to watch zq's current short film and let's just say if the censors had their way the dialouge would be one continuous beep.

so what lesson have i learned? i'm happy as a single gal.

i have the first two seasons so i decided to get the third today. the guy at the register wanted to talk to me about sylar. *bleh*

[end scene]

Life After TV

I wasn't sure how I could fill the time that once belonged to TV. It was difficult at first. Almost as difficult as having a friend moving away or losing the use of a limb. But I find that I'm managing without it and will probably survive.

I read a book. Crazy since it wasn't a comic or harry potter.

I worked out a little.

I went to a Michael's craft store.

I'm almost at the end of my journal.

I had a conversation with my sister.

I listened to music.

I went to a Giants game.

I watched an entire anime series. it was awful but I finished it.

I can day dream again.

I opened a restaurant.

I know when the fall season starts I'll be searching for a functioning TV set but for the time being it's nice thinking for myself again.

Say Goodnight and Go (Please?)

As you probably know by now I have a little crush on a celebrity. Even if you don't read this blog you know. After weeks of this crush based on an idea of not the actual person it was time to bid adieu (I have a picture of him in my journal. Fine, it’s more than one. No, I did not draw little hearts or write “Mrs. Quinto”. I would like to know someone before I marry them. Besides, why should I change my last name?).

Before I could decide what my new cell wall-paper would be I decided to read a recap of comic-con highlights. I read up on a Fringe spoiler (fan-girl squeal). Then the writer mentions going to lunch outside the convention and guess who he sees. It was like a two sentence thing but I found myself sitting in my cubicle grinning.(Ok, save your eye-rolling and embarrassment. I feel exactly the same way. As someone once said it’s easy to laugh at others but having a sense of humor is about being able to laugh at yourself). Oh and you can read the Fringe spoiler here:
http://paralleluniverse.msn.com/comic-con/day-three-tv/story/feature/?GT1=28140

I changed my wall paper and attempted to let go of this...nothingness. But I found myself watching star trek for a third time. I could've left the room to watch jocelyn's restaurant make money but her cat jesse sat on me and fell asleep. who am i to get in the way of fate?

then jocelyn got me the spock action figure from the movie. i had to keep my joy under control because we were in a public place. i have it hanging in my room so it reflects off the closet mirror for all to see.

getting over an imaginary boyfriend is hard.

"it's like you've been playing with bacon" - allen n.

I'd Eat This and Probably That Too

It’s the state faire fare entry. So what on this list, Top 10 Most Unusual State Fair Foods by MSN, is worth the calories?

1. Chicken-fried Bacon
I like bacon more as an addition to things or as a wrap around. So this would be more appealing if it was chicken fried steak wrapped with bacon or fried chicken wrapped with bacon.

2. Fried avocado Bites
This sounds healthy and it comes with ranch.

3. Spaghetti and Meatball on a stick.
It should be the size of my head propped up on a sword or spear. The middle should be filled with something like hot cheese or candy or the plague.

4. Fried Frog Legs
I’ve tried fried salt and pepper ones once. They taste fine just not enough meat.

5. Hot Beef Sundae
Reminds me of the KFC bowl Allen N. claims he came up with but with beef. I like the cherry tomato on top. It makes it cute.

6. Pizza Cones
Again I like pizza but I wouldn’t go to a fair for it. Reminds me of that chip shaped like a cone you could top your fingers with. This would be way to hot for that.

7. Krispy Kreme Chicken Sandwich
Allen J told me about this one. Sure why not. I like donuts I like chicken I like fried foods.

8. Deep Fried Twinkies
The idea of fried cake is iffy. The picture shows a line of people of a certain stature waiting for them. I want to see the actual food not the results of eating one.

9. Fried Coca-Cola
I'm a fan of coke in general. I remember how Great America sold Coke ICEE, icy sweetness.

10. Key Lim Pie on a Stick
I’ve had cheesecake on a stick, hot dog on a stick, cheese on a stick. This is kinda lame.

A is for .....

At work our IT stuff is outsourced. One guy who I'll call AV was the most dependable. More time was spent joking around than actually fixing problems. A few months ago we were assigned a brand new team. No more AV. My supervisors flew out to meet them. Shortly after, AV emailed to say “hi” and said I was his favorite because it never felt like work. Aww, he’s my favorite too. But we’ll never talk again.

then a friend who i haven't heard from drops a line, things are going ok but he's now off on a trail for a couple of months.

another announced he was getting married. to know you still matter even after no contact for months means something. i started to imagine what life would be like to have him around again. Then I learned he'll be moving across country soon after the
wedding.

at work one of my coworkers resigned and left the same day. we were in different dept but she was one of the first people to really welcome me to the other branch. we'd have lunch and she'd talk to me about the dangers of processed foods. i walked past her empty cubicle a few times today. I tried not to linger.

the best way i can explain is like this. it's like learning to skate. i cling to the wall and slowly i drag myself along until i start to slide. then i advance to where i'll trust you and take your hand. then you let go and wait in the middle of the rink. i follow you out but by the time i get there you're gone. i find myself alone not sure of where to go next. so i find myself crawling back to the wall and i start all over again.

i get that some connections are consistent. some are not.

I have different expectations, different levels for different people. But it's always hard when the expectations you have for someone don't match theirs especially when you want more than what they're willing/can give.

don't get me wrong, i appreciate those who are still here and those who are returning. but i sometimes wonder not if they'll leave but when. everyone is growing up.

whenever i get comfortable or attached things have to change. quite often it means separation. maybe these are suppose to be reminders that this is all temporary and someday we'll have to leave it all behind.

i get it ok? enough already of this life lesson.

For the record, adam levine looks nothing like ZQ, not even close.