Monday, December 16, 2013

Average Non-traditional Bridal Weekend - Friday

6/13/2013

i went to a bridal shower held in the honor of one of my friends. she’s not your normal gal so you can imagine how the weekend went.

i took the day off to take my time packing which turned into lunch at five guys, leading to snack shopping at target, then marathon downton abbey watching which ended up being hurried packing.

the guys and i kicked off the weekend by eating wings and drinking beer. because that’s what adults do at 5:15pm on a friday. our waiter accidentally doubled the drink order. by the end it was obvious we were going to recreate penguin night at target.

“i thought you didn’t shoot me when i came out of the bathroom because you were talking to my mom not because you weren’t able to load the gun.” – Allen J.

so we went to target and walked around the snack aisle. we weren’t going to buy much since we had just eaten 3 baskets of corn dogs, 24 wings, 18 boneless wings, carrots and celery sticks and drank multiple beverages. by the time we left the store we had a family-sized bag of reese and kit kats, three family size kit kats, two cylinders of pringles, a box of gushers, a box of townhouse crackers, pandemic the board game, and a tube of toothpaste.

“why’d you let me buy so much stuff? i was drunk when we were in target!” – Allen J.

we met up with the bride to be and repacked everything into her car. on the way there a new game was shared. Allen J told us his coworkers would use binary code to convey whether or not they would have relations with a girl based on just her looks. 0 no. 1 yes. some had more trouble with the game than others.

“my mom. 1” – Jocelyn

“F*** YOU GUYS! IF I SAY SHE’S A 0 SHE’S A 0 - Allen N.

for the sake of everyone i offered the guest room to Allen J. his sleep is like him, not quiet. also, a good night’s sleep keeps me from being unreasonably murderous.

i opted for the office which was fine except the air mattress was underinflated since i decided to avoid reading the directions. i thought i heard something in the middle of the night so i got up armed with my nerf gun ready to shoot whatever in the face. i looked into the bathroom which was pitch black and wandered to where Allen N was only he wasn’t there. i hear someone behind me and it’s Allen N. brushing his teeth. he had been in the pitch dark bathroom brushing his teeth in complete silence because that is totally normal.

"Were you going to shoot me while i slept?" - Allen N.

“You’re like the guy in the horror movie that dies first because instead of running away you go towards danger” – Kevin.

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