If You Think It, It Will Happen

at dinner the fortune i received from a cookie read, “if you can form it in your mind it will happen”. the first thing I thought of? a costco hotdog. i just had dinner but i wanted a hot dog. when i got home hot dogs were waiting for me to bring them to work for lunch the next day.

later, i was watching a news story about the tornados in the midwest. a man said he planned on rebuilding in the exact same place. it sounded crazy for anyone to rebuild in tornado country. my dad said that’s what people say about us living in earthquake country. no big deal since i hardly ever feel them i said. this morning i felt my house slightly shake due to an earthquake.

maybe this fortune works like a genie where i get three shots and then that’s it. i have one left. what do i want? money? an available buster posey clone ? fried chicken? fringe to be saved from cancellation?

wait, i already got what i wanted.

a really nice 29th birthday.

“buy only what you need not what’s on sale”. (syche's)fortune cookie

You Don't Say

A friend asked me if I recorded conversations because I can quote her. I just remember stuff. Here's a sampling from this year.

“My dad asked me if I know who Jeremy Lin is. I do but we’re not friends or anything like that”.

“My mom bought me pants for Christmas. I can put them on but I don’t think I can sit down in them”.
“Your mom bought you standing pants”.

“Dad said he knew the fried chicken recipe would be good because he got it from a black lady. That’s racist”.
“It is. But true”.

“She’s a mom to us all”.
“How would you like to make her a grandma?”.

“Ok, we’re each going to buy this gun”.
“Can I get him the basketball hoop instead?”.

“So I said he couldn’t do anything to you because you’re married. [Your wife] would be so mad”.
“The ring comes off…..I can’t believe I said that”.

“With an SAT score so low you still made it into Berkeley?”

“Lots of things, Point- of-sale, Piece of crap. I wanted to say piece of s*** but didn’t because I’m swearing less for you”.
“Thanks but you just said it”.
“Oh s***”.

“I didn’t go rouge during the gun fight. I went to lie down”.

“I wish I could’ve seen myself tripping”.

"I'm glad you're the one calling. I don't have to be professional then."

"I'm afraid to go poo now. I don't want to be shot".

“You’re still in your 20’s. That’s good because next year you won’t be anymore.”