i'm not a go on a diet sort of person. but I’ve gained some weight since my trip. here’s a timeline of my attempt(s) to get back to my pre-vacation weight.
friday
my pants are feeling kinda tight. i did just wash them. oh crap, there’s a tear on the inner thigh. wait, no, there are tears on both inner thigh areas. dang, this is my favorite pair of jeans. can i patch them up? probably not a good idea. that would just draw attention to my crotch.
saturday
i really shouldn’t have another crumpet. but they don’t have crumpets in america. crumpets are like crusty pancakes. fine plain wheat toast and a piece of chocolate for breakfast and the rest of my sister’s crumpet (smothered in honey).
sunday
so tired but must go out to dinner for mom’s birthday. still tired, must force down this piece of cake, red bean soup, and another piece of beef.
monday
time to get on the scale. i can’t find it. oh well.
tuesday
thanks mom for letting me know where the scale was. i gained six pounds. wait how much did I weigh before my trip? based on the weight listed on my license from 6 years ago i only gained two pounds. i’m still wearing all my clothes. that’s like what, an extra two pounds. so i broke even then. no I gained six. that would explain my pants.
she’s going to order a salad?! i should do that. i don’t want salad. i want a steak sandwich with cheese. if i get peppers with it there’s my veggie. hey they have mushrooms. no peppers then. onion is a vegetable. fries too. no wait, carb. sigh, i should’ve gotten the onion rings. cream cheese pastry! i’ll eat half. oops, i ate the whole thing.
weds
chips or mango slices. mango slices. butter or salmon on bagel...both.
it’s 10pm i should eat light. if jack in the Box wins i can get two tacos. those have lettuce in them. dang in and out won. cheeseburger with milkshake but no i won’t order any fries. i’ll just eat hers.
thursday
that sandwich was not enough. but i have this pack of ramen. it looks so lonely. i have a can of vienna sausage, bffs.
i shouldn’t eat this cannoli but since you offerred. ice cream too? NO, i will eat you tomorrow ice cream (for breakfast) then i will eat healthier. i will pack a nice healthy lunch tomorrow. i will get rid of those six pounds. shoot, work is buying us chinese food for lunch tomorrow.
saturday then! Wait, that’s when splurging begins. monday then!
11 years ago
3 comments:
three things: one, we are older now and metabolism is working against us. two, unlike my dad just because it's in your face doesn't mean you automatically have to eat it. three, being healthy doesn't always translate into scale numbers.
I love this blog post.
You rock, Jen.
Jen, this is a kick-ass post.
I laughed, and laughed.
I have had this experience so many times.
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