FACT: Did Not Buy Poop

Day 1
Me: Why does the car smell fishy?
Dad: It does?
Me: Did you go shopping lately? For fish maybe?
Dad: No. Maybe it's the jacket I'm wearing.

Day 2
Me: It still smells like fish. Did you wash your jacket?
Dad: I'm not even wearing the same jacket as yesterday.
Me: You sure you didn't buy fish or something. It smells like rotten fish.
Dad: I'm positive.

Day 5
Me: Ok, something is definitely wrong. It still smells really bad, like public restroom or butt hole.
Mom: Oh good, I was trying to figure out what your car smelled like. Not knowing really bothered me.

Day 9
Me: Dad, did you go shopping at all, for anything, in this car recently?
Dad: I did last week. Why?
Me: (hands him carton of milk). This was lodged under the driver's seat for a week. Now we know why my car smells like concentrated blue cheese butt.
Dad: I'm glad you found the milk. I thought I bought milk but when I didn't see it in the bag I thought I forgot to buy it. 
Me: I asked if you went shopping so many times last week. You said no.
Dad: You said for fish.
Me: Fish was just a guess because it smelled like fish. It now smells like poop. So if it smells like poop right now, should I ask if you bought poop?
Dad: OK, I know for a fact I did not not buy poop at the grocery store last week.
Me: .........

It Has Come to This

A coworker asked if I was still going to school. I finished school about 9 years ago.

It's crazy when I think about how long I've been out of school. I've been single for that same amount of time. I use to get comments like, "Oh you're still young", "Take your time", "It'll happen before you know it". Now it's mostly, "Career first am I right?", "What are you waiting for?" or my favorite "Don't give up. It'll happen".

People have tried and I appreciate the efforts made.  There was one guy with Asian fever, one who was at least 10 years my junior, one who spent the whole night talking to his cousin, one who kept talking down to his mother (yes he brought his mother), one 11 years my senior, one divorcee, one divorcee with a 13 year old and one lawyer (there was nothing wrong with him being a lawyer just geography issues). But none of them led to anything. Is it wrong to expect people to bring their A game at the first meeting? I bring mine. Also, I hella want to win because I am unreasonably competitive.

I've noticed one growing trend with some. Green card. That's right. I've been approached by people who are trying to find US citizens to marry. Long gone are the days where coming to America is a bridge for a better life. Quite often these people have already made their fortunes overseas but are trying to move it all to the US before their government takes a cut.

Such matchmakers receive a finder's fee. Of course these matchmakers are never upfront about their motives. They make it seem like they're doing me the favor. None have offered me a monetary cut.

Here are some of the questions I get.
1. Are you a US citizen?
2. Do you plan on staying in the US for a while?
3. Do you speak Chinese? It's ok if you don't, you can learn.
4. Would you be ok with signing a prenup?
5. How would you feel about getting divorced in 5 years?
6. Are you ok with not living together after the wedding?
7. Would it bother you if his ex wife and kids lived with him once you get married?

I'm not a dumba**. It makes me mad especially when these same matchmakers are married and have daughters of their own. Would they want the same thing for their kids?

One matchmaker was actually an aunt (through marriage). She went on and on about how she knows me and how this would be good for me. Hello! If this guy isn't good enough for your single daughter he isn't good enough for single me. She balked when I suggested her daughter meet him.

The conversation made me feel pretty awful. Had I really reached a point where if I wanted to get married I would have to settle for a temporary paper marriage?

Marriage is not a business arrangement. This is America. In America we marry for love and divorce at the first sign of trouble.

Always October (every even year)

It's an even year. Guess who's in the World Series again.

Unlike the last one, I'm in the country this time.

It was awful being away knowing the Giants were in the playoffs. I wouldn't know the status of games until I got back to the hotel at night or when I woke up in the morning. I still remember how Twitter was ablaze with Barry Zito support tweets. It was surreal landing back on US soil on the day of the celebration parade and being able to watch the whole thing on TV.

It's two years later. I'm on American soil but I'm not watching the games. WTF? You may ask. Why would I not watch every single second if I'm at home and it's being shown on network TV?

Because, that's what a good fan does. You do whatever it takes to help the team. You eat the same food. You watch the game from the same spot. You wear the same shirt for days. Whatever it takes even if that means not watching the game.

Maybe I should clarify.

During the year I noticed the team wouldn't do so well whenever I watched games on TV (It was a mixed bag with watching games at the park). The other team would do really well when I was watching. There aren't many games shown on network TV and I have no cable so it was hard to say for sure.

It was during the playoffs when my theory started to make sense. During the series with the Nationals the Giants won all the games that I didn't watch. The one game they lost I happen to walk by a bar while the game was on, watched a few seconds of it, and the Giants lost. During the series with the Cardinals, yup that was probably me too. I was at a Chili's eating enchiladas when it looked like Duffy had saved the day. Nope, walk-off win by the Cards.

My friends insisted I was being ridiculous. There's no way me watching could affect the outcome of the game. I don't have that sort of power/curse.

Confirmation reared its head during the last game of the Cardinal series. My friends bought way too much fried chicken (at the best Popeyes located in Colma where they give you hella hot sauce) and going to another friend's place to eat. The Giants were trailing for a while. When I left the room, Michael Morse hit a home run to tie the game. I come back and Cards load the bases. I leave the room again and the Giants were able to pitch out of it. So I decided to stay out of the room. The Giants got on base. Then it got eerily quiet.

My friends looked at me. One of them sadly said, "Jennifer, you can never watch baseball again". Ishikawa hit a walk-off home run to win the game. They were going to the World Series.

So yeah, now I can't watch any World Series games. 

You're welcome fellow Giants fans.

Me: Ok which Giants player would you want to present you with a world series ring? Doesn’t have to be on the active roster. Can be any player in the team’s history.

Ann: JT SNOW! Or Barry Zito. Ok, so who would you….never mind. Stupid question.   
Me: I thought we were friends

no substitutions please

i was at the store and wanted to stop by the toy section. mom looks at me and asks if i’m too old for that. out of habit i say no but then i thought about it and realized i’m nearly a three decade year old wandering a toy aisle looking for toys to buy for myself.


most people my age would be there to buy toys for a kid not themselves. well, what’s wrong with wanting to buy toys? as a kid i couldn't get the toys i wanted right away. i had to wait until it was a gift receiving occasion (if only we practiced being jewish then i would've gottten more stuff) or if i saved enough to buy the toy i wanted. by then the toy would be sold out. if gift givers managed to remember what i wanted they would buy the wrong one. michelangelo is not the same as leonardo. a pink wand can’t replace the sword of omens. i wanted the mickey mouse plush not the pencil sharpener with his face on it, (stupid santa).

i make my own money now so i can buy what i want. but you know what? it’s too late now. i am decades too late to buy the toys i wanted (at a reasonable price).

if you want to save your kid from wandering the toy aisle when he/she is almost three decades old buy them the toys they want. jot it down in a day planner, tie some string on your finger, keep a printout in your wallet.

if you don’t your kid is going to be writing santa a very strongly worded letter the day after christmas year after year until the old man gets it right.

When Life Imitates Reality TV

my sister recently got engaged and chose me to be one of her bridesmaids. this will be the second time i’ll be a bridesmaid. i don’t think i’ll end up with 27 dresses... at least i hope not.

due to some schedule conflicts certain things have to be done right now, like dress shopping. my sister and i looked over styles, colors, and materials. she decided on one but then her fiancé said he liked another. it’s easy to like something when you don’t have to wear it.

the next day my sisters, our mom and i were at the bridal shop. the sections were organized by style number but the dresses didn’t know that. despite having an appointment there were no sales representatives available. so we fumbled around until one came to check on us. 

since the place had no mirrors in the changing rooms, we had to walk out into a mirrored hall separated from the brides' area. a guy was wandering around the mirrored hall. he was giving my sister a look when we hear this women yell, “get over here!”. the guy spun around and his future bride was standing there. she was certainly a vision of a blushing bride, with her long white gown and bright red face.

one sister wanted a particular dress but the other sister said she was going to a classy wedding not a night club. the color combined with our fair skin reminded one of tropical creamsicles. we suggested another color. my sister went bat-poop crazy. we calmed her down but then my mom piped in with, “i liked that other color more”. so the discussion went on.

she wanted to get it right then and there. i suggested we check a few other places before we placed the order. she didn’t like that so she stormed out of the store. my other sister calls her to come back. eventually we agreed it was my sister’s wedding so we’d go with it.

when we got home my dad asked how it went. my mom said to him, “don’t ask. you’re going to make her mad by reminding her she picked the color no one wanted”.

me: this one?
sis: no, that’s guava.
other sis: this?
sis: no, that’s watermelon.
me: ta da!
sis: no, that’s orange.
other sis: eh?
sis: no! that’s persimmon. pay attention! i want coral, you know like pinkish orange. nothing else! ok?!
mom: this one!
sis: mom! that’s blue.

I'll Never Let (This) Go

they rereleased titanic in 3D. i watched the first release back when i was in high school.

despite my protests, my best friend at the time said she had to watch it. so there i was on valentine’s day weekend waiting in a long line for four hours. the movie was still selling out even though it had been out for months. this one lady in line (who saw it 4 times) would not stop talking about the movie. luckily somebody yelled at her to shut up. i remember feeling cold during most of the movie. maybe it was the sight of icebergs and the ocean. it was mostly likely due to the ac being on full blast (it’s february in san bruno. why was the ac on full blast?!)

there was one thing with the movie which really irked me. *spoiler alert* rose was the one who led jack to his expiration. she didn’t share the drift wood she was floating on (that jack found). there was enough space for both of them to rest on(she also let go of him. how many of you to this day still call her a liar whenever you here her say she’ll never let go? i know of at least 3 people who shouted this in the theater while watching the trailer for the 3D version).

that's what i thought for a very long time but then i read this. ok, fine. mathematically speaking it wasn’t possible for them to share. but rose is not off the hook. if jack had broken his promise and let go of her hand he could’ve swam and climbed on top of other floating objects and lived. but instead he kept his promise and became a frozen corpse which then became food for the fishes while rose lived on to throw thousand of dollars in jewels into the ocean.

gg jack dawson.

Merry Christmas You Donkey!

oh my lord. jen just stormed into my room saying i had to get up. she's going off about guests arriving in 6 hours and how the turkey is still sitting in the sink.

sigh, dad always waits until the last minute and then jen has to do it. maybe i should’ve said something last night but i was busy fighting the locusts. we’re going to save the world fenix!

jen looks crazy. i don’t think she even brushed her hair yet. she's still in her pjs. it’s funny when she swears because she normally doesn’t. it’s the same every christmas eve. oh bother, she’s stopped talking and is looking at me now. i better get up.

how are we going to eat a 30lbs turkey?! aw dad, don’t tell her you didn’t prep the prime rib either. there she goes again. i am going to do all the non-kitchen chores. i’m pretty sure i saw some presents that needed to be wrapped.

dad, don’t ask jen what’s for lunch. she is holding a knife. i will go pick up my other sister from the station. wait, dad is going for his car keys. i have to escape. dang, he left first. jen’s looking at me. if i don’t move maybe she won’t see me.

ok, all the meats are in the oven. lunch is done. jen is quietly watching the football game on tv. oh dear, mom just asked her if she made dessert. there she goes again.

"in the sea, the fish have learned to laugh. in the sea.." - kim

Don’t Wanna Keep up with the Kardashians

recently my grandma has been asking my sister when she will get married because she would like to see some great grandchildren. my sister asked her if she’s asked me, the eldest grandchild, this. my grandma said if she were to wait for me she’d be long gone by then.

wow grandma, wow.

i know. she’s old enough where she doesn’t care about being pc anymore. but still, ow. if this comment were a physical attack i’d have a black eye. i guess i can add this onto my pile of emotional scars.

she’s said to me a couple times i need to get married if i want to be happy. but i tell her marriage and kids don’t guarantee happiness. i then provide her examples of people who can attest to this (yay for celebrities). i’ve even pointed out how oprah, someone she admires, isn’t married and is perfectly happy and successful (if you ignore the tv network thing).

i’m not in a panic about being single, yet. if anything the idea of getting married causes me to be in a panic. child-bearing leads to a complete black out.

next time i see grandma, i should reassure her that if there are millions of dollars in sponsorship and a brand at stake, i will consider selling my soul so i can get married and have kids ASAP.

Alone + Sad = X_X (sooner)

i declined a second meeting with the nephew of my aunt's friend. a couple of months ago my aunt, her friend, her friend's nephew, his cousin and i had dinner together. it was obvious neither of us was interested in the other. we were both armed with super soakers ready to put out any sparks coming from the other side.

my aunt decided to try again. she calls me to convince me to join them for another dinner. i politely declined. but she then went to my mom. my mom said i should give the guy another try. i say to her, "i don't blame aunite's friend for wanting this to work out since i'm so wonderful. but you can't force this kinda stuff. besides, if i never get married i can live with you forever." before she can come up with a response i hop out the door into the fog.

just as i had finished patting myself on the back for not settling i read this:
Single People May Die Younger, New Study Finds

>_<'

not all hope is lost though. ann brought up another study that shows happy people live longer. so if one is a happy single it's possible to live the same amount of time as a married person. early death is more likely if you're single and depressed. we don't know anyone like that so there's no need to....oh wait.

>_<'

The S Wedding

Saturday through Sunday I was gone.
Suddenly after the break of dawn.
Smokey was the air.
Sunburnt because of the sun's bright stare.
Smiley was my cousin all day.
Splendid were the vows hip hip hurray.
Saltier than the sea was the chicken.
Summer was the blessed season.
Screaming speech of guests due to the insane amounts of alcohols.
Sixty minutes the length of the bride's father's speech was all.
Solo still but thanks for asking.
Sad because we left before the dancing.
Snoring was my family.
Seething due to sleep depravity.
Sorry for the accident on 101.
Screwed over because i missed posey and the baseball fun.

Another Weekend and Yes Another Wedding

in a couple of hours i'll be at my cousin's wedding. every time i see his mother she tells me to settle down soon. my dad said not to take it personally since she was just worried about her son who wasn't married yet. so you'd think she'd be happy her last single kid is getting hitched. nope, she thinks the girl is in it for the green card. such a nice thing to say about your future daughter-in-law.

two weeks after this wedding another cousin is getting married. my cousin wanted to elope (i would've loved that. i'm skipping a giants game for his wedding) but his mom said he had to have a wedding. she's wants everybody to know he's getting married and yes this is another aunt concerned about my single status.

aunties need to chilax about my single status. when i find my soul mate he is going to be epic awesome. why epic? the man who chooses to love me despite my quirks and crazy blood line (see above) is going to have to be some sort of awesome (if not insane). but since i haven't found him yet i will try desperately not to roll my eyes and sigh when asked why i haven't found him yet. i don't want my annoyance to be mistaken for bitterness.

i should be glad they don't know the type of music i like. for example this cover. 'cause then they'd think my emo stems from being single and not simply from everything.

Say It Ain't So

this morning i got to work annoyed since i stayed up late to check the score for the giants game in which they lost. but then i looked at my outlook calendar and there in my list of scheduled of things to do was the giants game i'd be going to soon. just fifteen more days and i'd get to see buster posey in person. yay!

around lunch time i was cleaning around my desk and thought the underside of it made a good hiding space. so i crawled underneath and squatted there. i wondered if buster posey happened to also be squatting getting ready for tonight's game.

then i came back from lunch. i got an email titled, “depression”. i open it and the person says how sorry she is to hear about what happened to buster posey and wanted to cheer me up.

what was she talking about? i knew they lost the game but she’s never emailed me about losses. i heard he’s expecting twins but that’s a happy thing. so i went online and was greeted with the headline “Buster Posey Breaks Ankle”. i gasp and clasp my hands to my mouth. it's like i sucked my hands to my face and slapped myself. i click on the link and there’s an image of buster posey lying face down over home plate.

i haven’t cried in quite some time. the last time was around october. i didn’t cry but i could feel the tears swell up in my eyes and my heart drop as i read what had happened. then i got mad so i sat under my desk for awhile. then i watched video of what happened and i wasn’t as mad at the guy who hurt buster posey since he rushed over right after to check up on him. it's all part of the game. cathcers know what they're getting themselves into. the other guy wanted to score the winning run and if buster posey could tag him it be over. so he had to run him over, knock his mask off and break his ankle (oh, here comes the tears again).

but the whole thing had me rather upset. for a split second i really wanted a hug. since there was no one to immediately hug i gave up on that idea and went back to sitting underneath my desk.

buster posey is possibly out for the rest of the season. who am i suppose to shout flirtatious things to now?

awww buster posey. get well soon.

Kryptonite

i'd like to think i'm not a picky either. i can usually find something i like at a place. if i find something i like i'll will stick to ordering that one thing.

for example, my friends would go on and on about the salads at plutos over in davis. i finally got to go to the one in sf and in palo alto. both times on fridays. both times i have ordered the tri tip lunar dip. i should maybe try a salad but a steak sandwich is almost like a salad. it's just more crutons, more meat and minus the leafy veggies. it's taking the best parts of a salad and making it hand-held. it even comes with a shot of meat juice. ok, it's really meant for dipping but i've been really tempted to just drink that like a shot.

wait, that's not the point of this post. i haven't quite found a food i loathe but there is a food that loathes me. it's shrimp. it's the mermaid of foods to me. it sings its sweet song of the sea only to lure me to my death by cutting off oxygen to my brain.

i never know when this threat will strike. one day i had some in pasta no problem, next day a spring roll takes me down. i can eat dry shrimp no problem but one too many honey walnut problems and it's like venom.

it wasn't always this way. there was a time when i had no problem eating them. then one day i felt a tightness in my throat. it was my 21st birthday actually. at least i have a warning sign. i could've eaten my fill and then dropped dead.

in cases like this it be nice to not know what shrimp tastes like so i don't miss it. it especially sucks right now though because it's shrimp fest over at red lobster and i can't go to that. well, i could but i might not make it out.

"oh crap i forgot again." - jocelyn

The Post Formerly Known as Say My Name

i was in the middle of working on this post when i noticed another blogger had used the title i wanted to use. this is bound to happen considering this blogger is a genius as well. besides there was another blog on blogger called jenblue before this one came along so who am i to complain?

for the past week i decided not to call montana because there was some software glitches system wide so he would be busy. in the meantime, i sent him a birthday card. a few days later i decided to see if he had gotten it. he answered the phone and after a minute of greetings he asked who i was. i have him guess. he threw out a name and luckily it’s mine. then he proceeded to distract me with a story about unicorns in the bible. considering how common my name is i would say it was a lucky shot in the dark.

one could argue that a person can sound different when speaking on the phone versus in person but we’ve only spoken on the phone. my brain has concluded that our relationship has gone downhill. it’s expected since we live in separate time zones. it was only a matter of time before he’d find somebody new. was i too clingy? is my replacement younger than me? prettier? how could i not see this coming?

as i grappled with this montana told me he had to go and would call me back later. then he asked for my number which served as the kick you give someone when they’re already down. he once told me i was on his speed dial. did he forget, had i been deleted, or had it all been a lie?

he hasn’t called me back.

a friend said that it’s always been up and down between me and him. i shouldn’t jump to conclusions. there could be a perfectly logical explanation for this. but I’m not in the mood for logical so i'm going to blow this out of proportion.

i know what i am to him. i’m just one vendor on his list of hundreds of vendors. well, i don't need him. he may be the best tech in the dept and the most fun but it's over. it’s going to be a clean break since we have no property to divide up and no kids to worry about.

now, since i take my cues from pop culture i will need a rebound romance. most likely he will be a nice young piece of eye candy or i can adopt a baby from a foreign country.

i sorta miss montana now.

Post Responsibly

i was peeved with a situation at work and decided to vent about it on facebook but was reminded it would have consequences later on.

someone basically didn't do their job and when they finally did noticed a big boo boo with the software. of course this revelation occurs right before the person goes on vacation and so it was left up to me to contact the software provider. i don't even know how to use this software. how am i suppose to explain what is wrong when i can't even tell something is wrong? my boss was annoyed too but said it was up to me since i'm the most capable. this only makes me want to be as incapable as possible (but still get a pay check).

i vented about it in my profile. i wrote something like, "is sure her job description does not say, " clean up other people's half-butt jobs". i got plenty of sympathetic comments about it. it felt good to know others understood what i was feeling.

the next day one of my customers tells me to delete it so i did because she was worried i would be fired for it. i've seen the consequences of angry-posting. semi-anonymously blogging is much safer than posting on facebook where i would be attaching my name to a complaint regarding an employer.

i later learned that while i was angry-posting so was montana (awww, bffs). in addition he also unloaded an angry email, punched a hole in a door, and locked himself in the bathroom so he could avoid listening to what the other person had to say.

note to self: if montana ever visits me in CA i do not bring him to drew and syche's place.

A Naive Freshmen 15

a common complaint of new hires at work is weight gain. they don't seem to know why they pack on the pounds the first few months they arrive. the newest hire in my department says she is fat because she now weighs 135 lbs (i weigh more than that. is she calling me fat?).

whenever my department has a meeting we get breakfast. my coworkers shot down my suggestion because it wasn't healthy. one even had the audacity to say, "when i get their(mcdonald's) breakfast i throw the hash brown away". how could someone in their right mind throw away a perfectly good slab of hot salty crispy goodness? whatever, i've seen her eat hash browns many times. i'm not afraid of being the odd one out because i openly enjoy fried foods.

my coworkers settled on dim sum. one wanted 9 ha gaos per person (she fake hates hash browns and she's out to kill me). they had the new hire place the order. we each got a box containing 3 ha gaos, 2 pan-fried turnip cakes, 3 kinds of baos and 1 egg roll. hmm, i wonder where those extra pounds are coming from?

as my coworkers emptied their boxes i looked down at mine and thought, "in america we eat hand-held fried potato patties for breakfast not deadly shrimp-filled dumplings".

viva la hash browns!

Which of These is Not Like the Others?

i went to a wedding this weekend.

the bride got teary-eyed which was sweet. i made a new friend. he's dark haired, friendly, and loves treats. i was kinda turned off he kept trying to kiss drew. the little four-legged hussy (the dog, not drew. drew only has two legs. also, drew is not a hussy).

for the bouquet toss(of shame) they had us outside in the driveway. the theme to jaws was playing as people, bundled up in their winter coats, waited eagerly to see which unlucky lady in love would finally have the white wedding ever little girl dreams of.

as i stood there watching the competition jockeying for position i knew i was now a minority when it comes to being a single girl in my group of friends. my closest girl friends are either dating or married. the only other single pal is miles away in florida away from the crazy.

it kinda feels like the time when everyone was getting a blog and i decided to hold out for as long as possible or when everybody got facebook. i feel like people are in this prestigious club i'm expected to join but can't because i'm missing something.

but why should i let something like this bother me? this all goes back to something someone said two years ago about my future. she saw a ring in it. i've seen lots of rings since then, on the fingers of others. maybe she meant the people around me and not me specifically. if she meant me then i guess her powers aren't as in tune as she had me believe. somewhere a pack of restless spirits are probably pissed she didn't really lead them to the afterlife.

as all these thoughts swirled in my head like the wind through my deflated curls i decided i wasn't going to act like a nut.

as the bouquet flew into the air i knew what i had to do. i watched as the bouquet was savagely beaten down with its blood red petals hemorrhaging everywhere. it landed in front of me. all i had to do was bend down and it would be mine. it would no longer be a matter of if but when. all my problems would be solved. but as an act of defiance i stepped back as someone else went for it.

perhaps my destiny was to grab it. now i may be doomed forever to die alone. woe is me for challenging destiny.

oh and wouldn't you know it? the girl who ended up with the bouquet hadn't planned on getting married ever. it's not her thing.

take that destiny.

Being Jewish During Christmas

customer: happy valentine's day.
me: i'm not into that but thank you. the same to you as well.
customer: *huffs* well, excuse me lady.
me: *snickers* love you too.

vendor: ...and you have a happy valentine's Day.
me: okaaaay. thanks i think.
vendor: what?
me: i'm single. i don't celebrate valentine's day
vendor: uh well, i don't either since i'm a guy and it's not a big deal to me. but since you're a girl i thought maybe it mattered more. not that i'm going around saying it to all the girls. it's 'cause i like you. i mean i like talking to you.
me: i didn't meant to get you all flustered. i just don't celebrate it.
vendor: yeah me neither i'm single too so it doesn't affect me. i just thought i should say it since it's a holiday and all
me: sweetheart, unless i get the day off it ain't even worth my time. but thank you. i appreciate the thought.

Taking Things for Granted

when i was overseas i learned to appreciate the basic things i took for granted in america such as english, ac and not having to cling to my valuables every time i was in public. i missed sitting toilets the most. not all restrooms in china are toilet bowls. some are just holes in the ground with no flushing capabilities.

at work in addition to having sitting toilets we also have toilet seat protectors. on more than one occasion, i've walked into a specific stall to find it a hot mess. i have deduced either a man has been using a toilet in the women's restroom or someone isn't sitting on the toilet and not using the protectors. at least the user flushes but a wet toilet seat is gross especially when you know it ain't water sprinkled on the seats and all over the floor.

i'm not the only one who has noticed. once i found the same toilet seat covered in not one but three sheets of clean cover protectors. that seemed to get the message across because the seat has stayed clean.

then recently, i go in to find the toilet seat is clean but now it has been left up.

seriously, is the line for the men's room that long that a dude has been peeing in the same place designated for chicks?!!!

Goodwill Towards Men...at 50% Off

christmas time has passed. as well as the timeliness of this post. but i'm going to post it anyway because i really like the title i came up with.

the worse time to shop are the weeks surrounding the holidays. the entire last quarter of the year is devoted to shopping. christmas is pretty much tailgating halloween(poor thanksgiving, the forgotten middle child). one minute candy comes wrapped in orange and black the next red and green.

i have nothing against presents. it's nice to know someone took the time to go out and get something for you especially when you realize how many people they had to battle to get the something.

people need to calm down. where's the peace on earth and the mercy mild? shouldn't the holidays gives us a sense of togetherness? honking your horn will not make things go faster. blocking the free sample table and eating every single sample on the tray is not sampling.

this year i will start my christmas shopping early. cheese logs i buy now should last until next december yes?