Friday, July 27, 2012

Hairy Spotter

i was on bart the other day and the woman sitting across from me had on this dress with a low neckline. she was leaning forward the whole time playing with her phone. at one point her phone rang and when i looked down i noticed she had a patch of hair on her chest. i tried not to look again but i couldn’t stop thinking about it. i must’ve let my thoughts cross my face because she glared at me, got up in a huff and left. did she think i was checking her out? i guess i was but it was because she had a fuzzy broach right in the middle of her chest (oh and for the record, i've seen better boobs).

later that week i was at a bar-b-que and it was HOT. a number of women wore sleeveless tops. some decided to go the al natural route. people were sweaty and it resulted in lots of glistening hair. is this why they make deodorant go on clear? so it’s not as obvious if it flakes off and is stuck in the hair?

but why should women be expected to shave, wax, be hairless? men aren't. these women could be making a stand against that or maybe arm pit hair is making a comeback? if it is, it won't be happening at my house.

sis: look at all those hairy pits
me: shh!
sis: what? it's true. just look at all those cherry pits on the ground. litter bugs.
me: oh, i thought you said hairy pits.
sis: what?! oh. i saw some of those too. hippies.

Hey, I Just Met You

one afternoon i got a call from an old friend who wanted to know if i was free for dinner the next day. they made a reservation a month ago to celebrate her bf’s friend earning his ph d.

it was a fancy restaurant. i didn't want to look out of place so i got dressed up for it. having to wear proper attire for dinner is such an annoying first world problem.

i get to the house and both guys barely look up from their laptop screens. they were in the middle of some campaign and things had to be killed (i get why some gals don’t want to date gamers).

when that was done we played the board game outbreak. there’s no monkey or dustin hoffman. there’s just disease, then more disease and then death.

then it was off to dinner. a number of patrons were wearing suits despite the 80 degree weather. every time our waiter came to the table i made eye contact. he had such bright blue eyes. they could rival drew’s.

as i tried to calculate out how many jack in the box tacos this meal was going to cost me, my friend’s bf announces we order whatever we want because ph d was paying. ph d explains he had picked the most expensive restaurant in the area to celebrate. he didn't want to go alone so he was treating us for going with him. i thought to myself, “this is crazy”.

none of them had eaten greek food before. i explained what was what. my friend asked if i had taken classes. lots of tv watching I told her (that and the fact that I know people who don’t think about cost when it comes to food).

we ended up sharing everything. dessert was my favorite. yay galaktoboureko! i was surprised at how full i was but i was wearing really tight pants (they were the only pair which were clean and didn’t need ironing. i wasn’t trying to show off my butt).
even though I was there as a fill-in i got a free meal, showed how hours of tv watching is a benefit, and found another set of eyes to add to my hypothetical jar .

“you should go back to the restaurant on a date with the (ph d) guy and then get the waiter’s number” – syche (immediately covers her mouth after saying it).